What I have to say, it’s going to take guts:
You and that squirrel? I think you’re both nuts.
Why you ever decided to make it your pet
Is beyond me, it’s something I don’t get.
Did you think it’d make you one of The Smart Set?
If so, I note that you’re not, at least not yet.
You built that goofy wire cage in your apartment,
it certainly didn’t improve the squirrel’s deportment.
He still acted as if he was out in the wild,
a spoiled, impulsive, petulant child.
If we sat on the couch and tried to watch TV,
he’d hover over the shoulders of you and me.
Perhaps you found that au naturel–
Not me, I thought it the date from hell.
When I gave it a peanut, to keep it quiet,
it still behaved like an inmate in a prison riot.
Scurrying hither, and also yon,
Making a racket, and carrying on.
Normal people don’t bring a squirrel into the house,
they’re like an oversized, neurotic bushy-tailed mouse.
The squirrels, I mean, not the homeowners,
If you live with a squirrel, you’ll end up a loner.
In short, to sum up, either the squirrel goes or I do.
The choice is binary, and it’s entirely up to you.
You can live with me, or live with that squirrel,
There’s only one choice if you want to be my girrel.