Wall Street, in a surprising move today, declared itself a separate governing republic and detached itself from the US.
Always considered a bulwark of staunch capitalism, recent economic downturns and the stimulants have changed the economic thinking of many of it’s leaders. Upon succession, Wall St. immediately renamed itself “The Socialist Republic of Wall St.”. Nicolas Maduro of Venezuela, Daniel Ortega of Nicaragua, and Díaz-Canel of Cuba sent them a telegram applauding their decision. Putin sent them a message saying “Welcome to the wonderful world of Socialism!”, then threatened to invade them if they joined NATO. Bernie Sanders called and asked if he could be its President, to which he received a very firm “No!”
Critics of this development suggest that having achieved independence Wall St. would not have to pay any taxes to the U.S. even though they are entirely surrounded by it. Others muse that Wall St. could stand to receive billions more in foreign aid and maybe even from its former compadre the US.
A strong consensus say that they simply think they are better than everyone else and want to separate themselves further from ‘the little people’, making themselves in essence a giant gated community.
Southerners have been up in arms demanding to know why Wall St. could leave the Union and they couldn’t and threatening to start the Civil War over again.
Upon declaration of their independence, Wall St, immediately began building a wall around themselves using cheap, illegal labor and putting in machine gun placements. The irony that this added to their name was not lost on columnists.