Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news, even that about WeWork filing for bankruptcy doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon:
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
WeWork files for bankruptcy
WeWork will now be known as WeBroke.
House Speaker Mike Johnson admits he and his son monitor each other’s porn intake in resurfaced video
Well, they are the Johnsons.
A stunning discovery proves that Vikings reached the Americas before Columbus
… As opposed to their usual beating of the Lions.
Biden calls Xi a dictator after carefully planned summit
Xi: Uh, you’re welcome.
US halts exports of most civilian firearms for 90 days
Oh, goodie, just what we need: more for us!
Warner Bros. un-cancels “Coyote vs. Acme” after backlash, will shop movie to other studios
… look for Amazon to buy it, so Wiley can get that dynamite three days early on Prime!
Happy 81st birthday Martin Scorsese
And, a happy 32nd Anniversary to the couple living in his eyebrows.
Musk offers Wikipedia a billion dollars to change its name to Dickopedia
… So, he wants them to name it after him?
George Santos says he’ll NOT run for reelection
Which will give him more time to practice to defend his Wimbledon singles title.
USC football falls to UCLA 38-20
Well, there’s no D in USC for a reason.
Al Pacino, 83, to pay $30K monthly child support for son with 29-year-old Noor Alfallah
Pacino: Every time I don’t pull out, they pull me back in!
N.D. woman accused of poisoning boyfriend with antifreeze hours after he inherited $30 million
Ironically, that’s pretty damn cold.
Former House Speaker Kevin McCarthy elbows Republican who voted to remove him, Tim Burchett, in the kidney
… Frankly, it really doesn’t seem to make up for the knife Burchett stuck in Kevin’s back …