Claiming that “it has always been my dream job,” Chris Christie announced yesterday that he plans to apply for the position of head football coach at the University of Alabama. “I never would have run for President if I had known that Nick Saban was going to retire.”
“Coaching the Crimson Tide is a perfect fit for me,” Christie said at a press conference. “I have served as Governor of New Jersey, which is the state most like Alabama north of the Mason-Dixon Line. Our summers are hot and humid, and Princeton University is, for all practical purposes, a working plantation. I’m passionate about football and, as you can imagine, I can tailgate like nobody’s business. Roll, Tide, roll!”
Informed of Christie’s intentions, Stuart Bell, the President of the University of Alabama, commented that “we welcome all qualified candidates. I wish Mr. Christie well.”