In an Orange Bowl game that resembled a heavy-duty highway paver flattening a burlap sack stuffed with mewling kittens, the Georgia Bulldogs vaporized the Florida State University Seminoles by a score of 63-3 on Saturday.
Many of FSU’s starters missed the game in order to work on a term paper for their two-semester honors seminar in 20th Century Irish Literature. The topic: James Joyce’s Finnegans Wake.
According to FSU coach Mike Norvell, “Finnegans Wake is a notoriously difficult novel to analyze, and the players wanted to get a head start on the assignment. They had my permission to spend all of December 30th in Strozier Library doing background research. I’m proud to report that all but two of these young men knew exactly where the Library was. The other two gentlemen ‘kind of’ knew.
“On the wall of our team’s locker room is FSU’s mantra: ‘We’re Scholars First, Athletes Second.’ Now, please excuse me while I make myself a cup of green tea and de-stress in a hot tub filled with sulfuric acid.”
Services for Coach Norvell will be held on the FSU campus quadrangle at 11:00 am on January 8th. In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you make a donation to the James Joyce Society in New York City.