Several months of tense negotiations ended yesterday when U. S. Secretary of State Anthony Blinken announced that representatives of Israel, Hamas, and Hezbollah have agreed to participate in a winner-take-all UNO tournament that will determine the future of the Middle East.
“At long last, there is consensus on a shared path to peace, one that will deliver us from the horrific bloodshed the world has been witnessing for so long,” said Blinken. “And, of course, everybody loves UNO!”
The tournament will take place in Monaco, a country known for the unassailable integrity of its gaming operations. A United Nations inspector will be on-site to carefully examine every deck of UNO cards before they are dealt in order to avoid “BOOM!” problems.
“Some critics argue that a weekend of UNO will never settle the deadly, tooth-and-claw conflict that has plagued that part of the world for over 70 years,” Blinken noted. “Well, let me ask you: What have we got to lose?”
The tournament will be broadcast, commercial-free, on both ESPN and C-SPAN.
And the months long truce necessary to play a game of Uno is a great first step to peace.