Donald Trump went to his happy place.
“OMG. THAT FILM. THAT FILM. THAT IS NOT ME. IT IS SOMEONE PRETENDING TO BE ME. I USED TO LIKE BUCKY BUT NOT ANY MORE. OMG. HIS MAKE UP IS NOT EVEN THE RIGHT COLOR. ELEKSHUN INFETERENCE. PROJECT 2025 IS COMING FOR YOU. OMG. I WILL LET MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE OFF THE LEASH, PUT HER ON THE SUPREME COURT AND SHE WILL LOCK YOU UP AND PUT THE KEY IN ONE OF LEON MUSKS SPACESHIPS. OMG. WHEN I AM FINISHED WITH YOU, YOU WILL BE FINISHED. OMG. CALLING YOU AN IDIOT WOULD BE AN INSULT TO TUCKER CARLSON AND SEAN HANNITY. OMG. IF I EVER MEET YOU, I WILL GIVE YOU A HIGH FIVE, IN THE FACE WITH A HAMMER. OMG. I HAVE NEVER SAID OMG SO MUCH UNTIL THIS HAPPENED. OMG. IF I WAS A DOG AND YOU WERE A FLOWER, I WOULD LIFT MY LEG AND GIVE YOU A SHOWER. OMG. IF MOSES HAD SEEN YOUR FACE, THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN ANOTHER COMMANDMENT. OMG. YOUR ONLY CHANCE OF GETTING LAID IS TO CRAWL INTO A CHICKEN AND WAIT. OMG. I AM NOT INSULTING YOU, I AM DESCRIBING YOU. OMG. IN CONCLUSION, YOU BETTER LEAVE THIS COUNTRY NOW BECAUSE I KNOW WHERE MARVEL SHOOT THE FILMS. A lot of people ask me, they say, sir, now that Kamala Harris has released her medical report showing she is in excellent health, will you do the same and prove that you are the best? Thanks for the question, JD. It’s a great question. I have the greatest best. I had a blood test in 2012 and the doctors said it was the greatest blood they had ever seen. It’s true but back then, they did not have the technology to remove the Diet Coke from the Trump blood. My Diet Coke blood is 1,345% better than Diet Pepsi blood. It’s true. I cannot release my medical report because the doctors who look at the results of my tests, cannot stop applauding in disbelief at my unbelievably, amazing Diet Coke blood. If they ever stop applauding, we will ask them but I can’t see it happening before the elekshun. OMG. WHY DOES EVERYONE WANT TO FACT CHECK TRUMP? WHY DON’T YOU JUST ACCEPT THE LIES LIKE MY CULT FOLLOWERS DO? OMG. THIS INDEPENDENT THOUGHT HAS TO STOP NOW. OMG. I NEED TO BE ABLE TO LIE. OMG. WITHOUT LIES, I HAVE NOTHING AND THAT’S THE TRUTH. OMG. WHEN I CHANGE THE CONSTITUTION, LIES WILL BE THE NEW TRUTH. OMG. THE GREAT VLADIMIR PUTIN DOES NOT HAVE THIS PROBLEM. OMG. THE GREAT XI JINPING DOES NOT HAVE THIS PROBLEM. OMG. THE GREAT VIKTOR ORBAN DOES NOT HAVE THIS PROBLEM. OMG. THE GREAT KIM JONG UN DOES NOT HAVE THIS PROBLEM. OMG. THE PATH OF THE RIGHTEOUS MAN IS BESET ON ALL SIDES BY THE SELFISH AND THE TYRANNY OF EVIL MEN. BLESSED IS HE WHO, IN THE NAME OF CHARITY AND GOOD WILL, SHEPHERDS THE WEAK, THROUGH THE VALLEY OF DARKNESS. FOR HE IS IS TRULY HIS BROTHER’S KEEPER AND THE FINDER OF LOST CHILDREN. AND I WILL STRIKE DOWN UPON THEE WITH GREAT VENGEANCE AND FURIOUS ANGER THOSE WHO ATTEMPT TO POISON AND DESTROY MY BROTHERS. AND YOU WILL KNOW I AM THE LORD WHEN I LAY MY VENGEANCE UPON YOU. 2,567 billion illegal alians crossed our border last night. I counted them myself. Kamala Harris has never worked in McDonald’s. 2,000 billion crossed into Springfield to eat the cats and dogs. It’s true and the other 590 billion came to get the autograph of Hannibal Lecter. Hannibal Lecter never worked in McDonald’s at the same time as Kamala Harris did. A lot people ask me, they say, sir, did you ever take professional dance lessons because you are the best dancer and are much better than Kamala Harris? Great question, JD. Believe it or don’t, I have never had professional dance lessons. It’s true. I have the best movements to communicate with other members of the same species. When you treat your body as a Big Mac and eat as many Big Macs as I do, you get to know the staff at McDonald’s and I’ve never seen Kamala Harris there, not even once. Actually, I’ve never seen Hannibal Lecter there either but he was probably having Clarice over for dinner. OMG. NOW THEY ARE SAYING I AM NOT THE BEST DANCING PRESIDENT. OMG. WHO DO YOU THINK TAUGHT RIHANNA TO DANCE? OMG. WHO DO YOU THINK TAUGHT MICHAEL JACKSON TO DANCE? OMG. WHO DO YOU THINK TAUGHT RUDOLF NUREYEV TO DANCE? OMG. WHO DO YOU THINK TAUGHT ANNA PAVLOVA TO DANCE? OMG. WHO DO YOU THINK TAUGHT DAME MARGOT FONTEYN TO DANCE? OMG. WHO DO YOU THINK TAUGHT MIKHAIL BARYSHNIKOV TO DANCE? OMG. WHO DO YOU THINK TAUGHT ALL THE BREAK DANCERS IN THE OLYMPICS HOW TO DANCE? THE ANSWER IS ME. I TAUGHT THEM ALL TO DANCE. OMG. I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT YOU DID NOT KNOW THAT. A lot of people ask me, they say, sir, is it true that the crowds at your rallies are much bigger than the crowds at that other persons rallies? Great question, JD. I have the best questions. Last night I spoke and danced in front of 126 million people. It’s true and none of them fell asleep with the boredom. I also have a new trick where I put on free busses to bring the cult followers to the venue and as soon as they are dropped off, I make sure the busses do not return to pick them up. I don’t do it for any particular reason. I do it because I can. OMG. NOW THEY ARE SAYING KAMALA HARRIS HAS DEGREES IN ECONOMICS, POLITICAL SCIENCE AND LAW. OMG. I HAVE A DEGREE IN UNDERSTANDING HOW TARIFFS MIGHT WORK . OMG. KAMALA HARRIS DOES NOT WANT TO PUT TARIFFS ON ANYTHING. OMG. KAMALA HARRIS DOES NOT WANT TO USE THE MILITARY TO GO AFTER NANCY PELOSI. OMG. KAMALA HARRIS DOES NOT WANT TO GIVE TAX CUTS TO THE MILLIONAIRES AND BILLIONAIRES. OMG. KAMALA HARRIS WANTS TO UNITE THE AMERICAN PEOPLE. OMG. KAMALA HARRIS DOES NOT WANT TO BE A DICTATOR. OMG. KAMALA HARRIS BELIEVES IN SOMETHING CALLED THE CONSTITUTION. OMG. KAMALA HARRIS THINKS DEMOCRACY IS A GOOD THING. I think it’s time for some music. Play my favorite Spotify playlist. It’s called “The Best Spotify Playlist Ever Made”. The first song is a classic. All together now:
I love me, you love me
We’re a happy family
With a great big hug, and a kiss from me to me
Won’t you say you love me too?
I love me, you love me
We’re best friends like friends should be
With a great big hug, and a kiss from me to me
Won’t you say you love me too?
A lot of people ask me, they say, sir, will you please talk nonsense about random stuff, say “elekshun infeterence” and tell us how great you are? PS, I love you. Thanks JD, that’s a great question and I love power. Kamala Harris was born in a waterfall surrounded by windmills on a dark desert highway with cool wind in her hair made of coconut and sub-prime mortgages. She is not American color so she should be deported back to the her own kind who are cannibals and vegans who wear animals as coats. Memory is what I have instead of a view. Elekshun Infeterence OMG. NOW THEY ARE SAYING THEY ASKED 100 PEOPLE TO DESCRIBE THE WORST THING THEY HAVE EVER SEEN IN THEIR LIFE AND THEY ALL SAID IT WAS TRUMP TRYING TO DANCE LIKE A DAD IN FRONT OF HIS CULT FOLLOWERS. OMG. NOW THEY ARE SAYING KAMALA HARRIS DONE A BETTER INTERVIEW ON FOX NEWS THAN I EVER DID. OMG. MAKE THEM STOP SAYING THINGS. OMG. HOW LONG IS IT SINCE I LAST SAID ELEKSHUN INFETERENCE? Here’s a Trump trick for my many beautiful racist followers: when a non-white person somehow gets to appear on your movie theatre screen, change the color to black & white. This makes everyone white and the world is a better place again. You’re welcome. Vote for me. Project 2025 has you covered. Thank you very much. Orange is the new black
To be cont…
The Energizer bunny keeps on going and going. I hope the unnamed one will soon be going.
It causes me to lose sleep over here.
I can only imagine what it’s like over there.