Shouting out the question, “WHO’S MORE QUALIFIED THAN ME?”, Donald Trump declared on Friday that he will be the Republican candidate for both President and Vice President in 2024.
The former President was speaking at the Annual Conference of AR-15 Rifle Owners in Wheeling, West Virginia, and stunned the audience with his announcement. But the surprise was short-lived. As Willard Savon, one of those in attendance, observed, “when you think about it, this decision makes total sense. No one comes close to Mr. Trump as a leader. If for some reason he has to step down as President — say, he goes to jail or Melania shoots him — having him available to take over as Commander in Chief is the perfect solution.” Mr. Savon, an assistant manager at a kazoo-repair shop in Gaberdine, Florida, stores his collection of 243 AR-15’s in the arts-and-crafts room at Toddler Town, the day-care center owned by his wife.
Friday’s announcement ended rumors that George Santos would be Trump’s running mate, even as the former President noted, “Mr. Santos is a good man. A very good man. He’ll definitely have a place in my administration. Hell, I see a lot of myself in that guy: he’s wildly narcissistic and batshit crazy. What’s not to love?”