Trump Is Lord Super PAC

Democrats need to honestly assess the results of the recent election.

Republicans suppress the vote. Democrats work to get out the vote. Which worked better?

Championing democracy obviously utterly failed. We have to admit it. Or we could continue to be high-minded and hold onto such antiquated notions as “principles,” “scruples,” and “honesty” if we don’t mind our country being run by sadistic, manipulative morons for the rest of history.

Some Hollywood film studios in the 1970s and early 80s vehemently opposed the sale of VCRs since supposedly they would put theaters out of business and decrease studio profits. But when VCRs became available, the actual result was an increase in movie watching and profits. Sometimes the opposite of what common sense tells you will happen, happens. So regarding Get Out The Vote efforts, we need to accept that doing the right thing has been the wrong thing.

We need to discourage Trump disciples from voting while making it clear to intelligent voters that they should of course continue to cast their ballots. Herewith some possible ad slogans:

Real men don’t play with Barbies. And they don’t vote!

Real men don’t take ballet or wear tutus. And they don’t vote.

Voting??? Are you on your period?

Voting??? Why not just announce, “I still live with my mommy.”

Only cucks and libtards vote. Which are you?

I used to vote. But then I grew a pair.

Why vote when you could be oiling your gun?

Amigos no dejan que sus amigos voten.

Hillary Clinton & Nancy Pelosi WANT you to vote.

Hussein Obama thinks you SHOULD vote.

You can’t lose if you don’t vote.

Erections. Not Elections.

We’ll also need Super PACs to attribute the ad campaign to, ones with names that obfuscate their real source. I suggest

Trump Is Lord Super PAC,

Conservative Americans for Jesus H. Christ,

We’ve Got Trump’s Back PAC,

I’m Always PAC’n,

Trump an’ Jesus.

So to save democracy—hear me out now—in phase one, Democrats clearly need a vigorous ad campaign attacking the democratic process.

In phase two, we need to emulate Republicans in hacking away at the separation of church and state— as soon as we’ve founded scores of politically liberal mega-churches (MAGA-churches?) with names like The Modern-Day Church of Ultra-Right Christians or The-All-Your-Sins-Can-Be-Forgiven Church*, which will mislead their congregations, just like all churches do. And, of course, each church will sponsor its own Trump Bible School to indoctrinate children in woke ideology disguised as religious conservatism. Because for people who don’t want to think, doctrine trumps reason every time. When you can’t beat ’em, mislead ’em.

Old ways don’t work in a new age.

It’s past time—WAY past time—for Democrats to start thinking outside the booth.

 

* (For a gift offering of only $1,000 per week, all your sins will be forgiven forever. Some restrictions apply. [Felonies require offerings of $5,000 for any week in which they were committed.])