I wrote a book
Then I wrote three
The new, living Shakespeare
I wanted to be.
I wrote down all the things
That from my mind were dribbling,
And paid someone else
To do all the scribbling.
They all were best-sellers
And I’ll take the credit
Of course I am the publisher
Even though I never read it.
I’m an accomplished writer
Such a literary pundit
Should one ever take a loss
I’ll let my followers fund it.
— — — — — — — –
I always wanted a Princess
My body to caress
She of course would have to be
Very special for such royalty as me
So I traveled the east of Europe
To find my Cinderella
One lovely and refined enough
For I am such a fine fella.
My Dadeoo’s money
Tempted many a fine honey
I could hardly keep them away
So strong was my bantering bray
The Slavic girls love riches
And are the opposite of American bitches
They make an obedient wife
That makes for an easy life.
First I captured Ivana’s sweetness
A lovely Czechoslovakian
And lived in near marital bliss,
Then traded her in for something Slovenian
Melania was feminine fatale
A truly vampish doll.
My chemistry started to spike
When I saw what she looked like
When wearing not even a stitch
I hurried up and got hitched.
— — — — — — — — -
I have such a magnificent brain
So much that it’s hard to explain
How one could be so wonderfully bright
And yet the press thinks that it’s trite
And hound me eternal
With a meanness that’s infernal.
It gives me great strife
And also upsets my wife
When they call me a ‘halfwit’
Which I know is half of a ‘fullwit’
(That proves that I’m smart
And not just some dumb fart!)
— — — — — — — –
I’m the Champ, Not The Chump
My ego goes beyond all known borders
When it comes to titles I’m a hoarder.
My mind is truly colossal
And not the slightest bit docile
My physique is really stupendous
My strength truly momentous
Don’t think that I’m a has-been
I can still take it hard on the chin.
I’ve still got the reserves
I’m ready to fight the great fight
And regain what is my legal right
I’ll even up the faltering score
Don’t ever assume
I’m a withering bloom
Just remember I won in ‘24