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Author: Joseph S. Pete

Joseph S. Pete is an award-winning journalist, an Iraq War veteran, an Indiana University graduate, and a frequent guest on Lakeshore Public Radio. He was named the poet laureate of Chicago BaconFest, a feat that Chaucer chump never accomplished. His work has appeared in Robot Butt, Vanity Projection, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, Neutrons/Protons, The Higgs Weldon, Defenestration Magazine, The Big Jewel, Parody Poetry Journal, and many more. He once wrote an author bio that was pure Shakespeare but it was banned by various authorities and so forth for just being too real, you know how it is, and he had to attach this crappy one instead. Oh, that doesn't make sense? Well, you don't make sense--look, an eagle!

Craft Brewer Agonistes

January 8, 2022January 9, 2022 Joseph S. Pete

Craft breweries boasted offerings so very diverse. Macro breweries were all alike and so much worse. They pushed pilsners, lagers, lite beers, so much swill. The micros expressed unbridled creativity at will. Their brewpubs were […]

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Fiction

Jason Voorhees: “I didn’t do anything wrong. I defended myself”

December 11, 2021December 12, 2021 Joseph S. Pete

CAMP CRYSTAL LAKE, NJ (AP) — Jason Voorhees testified this week he was under attack when he killed 28 teens, disemboweled a 29th teen with his machete, and defenestrated a 30th during a chaotic night […]

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Fiction

The $54,000 a Semester Private School I Resegregated My Progeny To Is Trying to Teach My Precious Child That Slavery is Wrong!

May 16, 2021May 16, 2021 Joseph S. Pete

“We have not had systemic racism against Blacks in this country since the civil rights reforms of the 1960s, a period of more than 50 years… I object to Brearley’s vacuous, inappropriate, and fanatical use […]

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Fiction

To His Amazonian Mistress, Who’s Into Pee Bottles, Sadomasochism and So Forth

April 29, 2021 Joseph S. Pete

Had we but next-day delivery and so little time, This unbridled capitalism, lady of myth and alphabetical phone book alphaism, was no crime. We would still be sat down the same way, and think which […]

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Fiction

Workshop on Media Relations by the Congressman who Body Slammed a Reporter

November 29, 2020November 29, 2020 Joseph S. Pete

Greg Gianforte, politician who assaulted reporter, to lead communications workshop –The Guardian Hope everyone got a chance to grab bagels and coffee out in the hallway. We’re here today to discuss the fine art of […]

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Fiction

On Reading Walt Whitman’s “Leaves of Grass” While Desperately Trying to Patch Up My Ate-up Lawn So We Don’t Look Like the Hillbilly Methhead Ne’er-do-wells in this Neighborhood

August 9, 2020August 10, 2020 Joseph S. Pete

In this essay I shall establish a connection between Walt Whitman’s seminal “Leaves of Grass,” a germinal moment in American poetry and a monumental efflorescence of free verse, and my ongoing efforts to patch up […]

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