So there I was, running to catch the bus. A lady stood at the entrance of the bus and gestured to me to hurry up. She was smiling and looked like she was asking the driver to wait for me to catch up. My massively out of shape self, finally made it and the kind lady said, “You’re some runner. You should be in the Olympics.” I thought about what she said and something occurred to me. Trump is mentioned more than 38,000 times in the Epstein Files…

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“We changed the Terms & Conditions of the Trump Mobile Phone from “Made in the USA” to “Made up in the USA” and “refundable deposit” to “Later, losers.” This happened due to an unforeseen arrangement of words and is Biden’s fault. Instead of Siri, you get Stephen Miller and you can only text in CAPS. It also comes with 12 free pardons and “Biden’s Fault” wallpapers and ringtones.” – Donald Trump, maybe…

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Next on Fox News, from the team who brought you “Fake Assassination Attempts 1 & 2,” comes a tale so contrived, convoluted and removed from reality that only Todd Blanche can say it with a straight face…

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And if you look real close, you can see Donald Trump trying to stay away from staging another fake assassination attempt…

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