I overheard my 3-year-old say, “I love your mustache.” When we got home I gave her ice cream because she said it to my mother-in-law.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 25, 2013
Divorce forms offer 3 choices for why your marriage failed:1) infidelity 2) sexual incompatibility 3) tried to pick a Netflix movie together
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 25, 2013
My mom only buys stuff when it’s on sale. She filled my Christmas stocking with Halloween candy.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 25, 2013
3-year-old: Daddy, I love you.
Me: I love y- OW!
She hugs me more now that she knows how to drag her feet to generate static electricity.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 25, 2013
I get the gift I really want on December 26: All of my relatives go home.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 25, 2013