When I tell my wife, “I’m going to take you out,” she never knows if I mean, “on a date” or “with a sniper rifle.” I keep her on her toes.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 10, 2013
My wife:“That’s not the shirt I sent her to daycare in.”
Me:“But it’s the right kid?”
Wife: “Yes.”
Me: “Awesome. I’m going to play Xbox”
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 10, 2013
My wife won’t eat fruit unless it’s properly cleaned & sanitized. I ate the sticker on an apple & didn’t notice. Different strokes, I guess.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 10, 2013
I firmly believe in feeding a cold & starving a fever. If either of my daughters ever gets Bieber fever, I’ll definitely stop feeding them.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 10, 2013
Ladies, there’s no such thing as good men and bad men. There are only bad men and men you don’t know very well yet.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 10, 2013