To avoid epic fails on Father’s Day, there are plenty of things NOT to give your spouse or your father on their big day. The following is a list of 10 items to avoid next time you’re out shopping:
1) Cologne bought out of the trunk of someone’s car on the side of the road.
2) Tickets to a Barry Manilow concert.
3) A yearly subscription to Orthopedic Monthly.
4) A box of Rogaine and discount coupons for hair plugs.
5) A matching set of His and Her bejeweled cremation urns.
6) Blue underwear depicting a train across the front with the slogan, “Blow My Horn!” Male thongs are an equally disturbing gift.
7) A case of non-alcoholic beer.
8) A jar of pickled pigs feet in habanero pepper sauce. Or a can of beans, for that matter.
9) A tee shirt that reads: “Just because I have man boobs doesn’t mean that I am lactating!”
10) Do not sign him up for the constipation research study advertised on a late night infomercial or the Buy-One-Get-One sale on Fleet enemas at the drugstore.
Still worried about what to get that special man on Father’s Day? Show him this list, then offer him a silk, SpongeBob tie and a six pack of generic beer brewed by hog farmers living near a sewage plant. He’ll thank you for the best Father’s Day ever!
Oh, but the urn is such a PRACTICAL gift!
If he decides he doesn’t want to be cremated after all, he can always use it as a used condom dispenser.
The urns do add a classy touch!
I think I should add faux diamonds and rubies to his urn…
Heehee! Heading for the best Father’s Day ever! Thanks for the tips! 😉
Get him the lactating shirt!
Entertaining and excellent written post.
Thanks, Daniel! Glad you liked the post!
lOVE the urns!
Me too—-it’s just what’s in them that scares me!
How bout a baby, a kangaroo or a bat?
I think I should surprise him with a baby kangaroo….
I always read your posts first thing in the morning, to start my day off with a healthy laugh! Love it!
Awwww…. you are so sweet, Rena! Thank you!!
Bejeweled cremation urns – the gift giver will get extra points for creativity, but let’s hope it’s not taken as a “hint-hint.” Great column.
Thanks, Suzette! Oh yikes! I might need to rethink that urn I bought at the jewelers….
Oh, I don’t know, my husband might like one of those! LOL
No the urn….please, NOT THE URN!
This is a great list!
Does this mean I might run into you at the store, shopping for the same thing on Father’s day weekend?