My Wife is a Dog

It’s rare I make fun of religion. Okay, that’s a flat out lie, but it’s rare I poke fun at anything outside Christianity because, let’s face it — the news is ripe with Superchristians-gone-bad these days, and they provide all the religious fodder I have needed until now.

Today, I need to focus on superstition. I’m not a big believer in it, but I am not underestimating the fear it inspires Yes, I do admit that I might blurt out “Uh oh, I ‘m screwed” when I break a mirror or if a black cat jumps in front of my car, but for the most part, I don’t believe in these fairy tales that control people’s lives.  The curse of superstitions in my book is that those souls, who do believe in them,might allow superstitions to alter their life course– and that’s not scary but sad.

So, somewhere in India – a very rural part of India, a man married a dog, and it was sanctioned by the town’s religious leader and residents. Why?  Because the spirit of two dogs he had killed 15 years earlier had cursed him. In fact, the curse was so potent that the man was left paralyzed and deaf. Of course, no one even considered that the cause for this man’s health issues might be due to one of the many upon many diseases that exist in India because of the unsanitary conditions that a great deal of the Indian people must endure. No, disease and bacteria were pushed aside in favor of a curse placed upon on him by the dead dogs.

In case you are interested, this is how the ceremony went.  The village found a stray dog – yes, they didn’t even bother with a pedigree which to me shoots the whole caste system because that mutt truly jumped up a few caste levels by passing by the pure-bred snobby dogs and marrying a human – okay, a religious zealot human, but a human nonetheless.

The stray dog was bathed and donned in traditional wedding robes and forced to marry this guy. I am not sure who spoke for her when it came time for the vows or if there was a canine interpreter on hand to make sure the young bitch bride understood what she was getting into, but the ceremony was completed and a wedding feast ensued.  The human side of the family had all the Indian delicacies and the bride, well, she got a bun. It’s probably because she had no dowry and no family there to represent her. I heard that can affect a wedding feast.  Also noted– the bride did get cold feet and tried to make a run for it. Hey, maybe the spirits of the dead dogs tried to warn her, but it didn’t matter because she was captured and taken back to her groom.

Will they live happily ever after?  Probably not. I think the cultural and species differences might put the kibosh on this union, plus the groom has stated that once the dog curse is lifted, he will want to get rid of his canine bride and take a human one instead.

How fickle can he get! As soon as his wife cures his physical woes, she will be thrown over for a two-legged companion, and a divorced woman in India – human or canine– is not exactly a catch.

Should this wedding to a dog shock us?  No, India gave us the Kama Sutra – after that nothing is shocking.  Is there a moral lesson to this story?  Yes, and in fact, there are three:  First: Don’t kill dogs, but really don’t kill them in India. You have a lot more to worry about over there than PETA and the ASPCA.   Second: The caste system is dead. One doesn’t have to come from pedigree stock – human or canine – to find a suitable husband. And lastly: if you are a man who says, “Gee, my wife is a dog”, you need to call the guy in India and find out how truly wrong you are.

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8 thoughts on “My Wife is a Dog”

  1. Donna, clearly this is all in bad taste, really, you should just let sleeping dogs lie. Hahahaha Sorry!

  2. It could be worse, breaking the curse could have required getting married to the animal considered “sacred” in a religion in that part of the world. Then he would have had to say “My wife is a cow”. 🙂

  3. Drinking the water over there will give you brain damage but hey, it could have been his heinous act of killing dogs 15 years ago. If that be true then nuptials may be in order for me and the cock roach.

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