So, You Wanna Learn Football 2

Well, last lesson (https://humoroutcasts.com/2011/so-you-wanna-learn-football-lesson-1/), I took you through some of the basics of football play. But then I thought,

“How can I expect those who know nothing about football to appreciate the game without understanding some of the history behind the game.”

So, today’s lesson is on the history of the game and some of the most common questions waiting-to-be fans pose:

Why do people call the football  “the pigskin”?

Were the first footballs really made of  pig skin?  Well, yes, but only the covering.  Think of it as an M&M. Sure, there is a tough shell, but something mushy lies underneath and that mushy stuff in a football was  inflated pig bladder. I kid you not. Somewhere in Great Britain, many moons ago, someone came up with the idea to inflate a pig bladder to use as a ball in a game.  Well, allow me to be truly accurate. Some football historians say the first football was actually the decapitated head of Viking invaders, but for sport purposes, we will go with the pig bladder.  As one would expect, the pig bladder was sort of icky to handle, so the first football teams wrapped the bladder in cow and deer hide to keep everything from leaking out, but it was eventually the pig’s hide which proved to be the most durable of coverings.

As for the shape of the ball – this was another accident.  The pig bladders were hard to inflate perfectly round so eventually, the lopsided shape became the norm.

Who invented the football helmet?

There is some controversy as to who invented the football helmet. Most football historians give credit to Naval Academy Midshipman, Joseph Mason Reeves, who had a shoemaker create a protective covering for his head for games. A smart guy who later became an admiral, Reeves was apparently years ahead of his time worrying about head injuries.

Lafayette College disputes this historical account and says that in 1896, one of their players had a blacksmith make a harness to fit over his head and ears.  A primitive plastic helmet that evolved into the helmet in use now was first patented in 1939 by John Riddell, and Riddell continues to be the leader in helmets today.

We should hail the foresight of these men coming up with helmets. While their vision influenced the design of head safety gear for all sports from skiing to skateboarding to motorcycle riding, and while these designs have saved thousands from injury and death, it must be pointed out that there was an unforeseen side effect to their determination to keep people’s brains from scrambling inside their heads: Helmet Hair.  Yes, this horrid condition has only recently come to light as more and more women participate in sports, and so far the quest to eliminate Helmet Hair has not  found too many supporters willing to fund research which is a shame. How much better would the world be if Helmet Hair were eliminated completely.

Also in the “trying to protect men’s brains” category:  Who invented the Athletic Supporter or Jock Strap?

It’s true that most men reach for a jock before they would reach for a helmet.  So, it only follows that we recognize the person who invented the most important protective gear ever  – the gear that literally guarantees the proliferation of the human species.  Well, that’s the speech that guys hear in the locker room anyway.  Women – well, just go with it; it’s easier to let them believe they are the only ones proliferating the species when in fact, we know better.

Okay,  in 1874, CF Bennett of Chicago invented the protective cup which was originally designed to protect “the boys” while bike riding.  A few years later, Bennett formed The Bike Company which is still a leader in penis protection.  For awhile, the standard cups lost followers as more men went for contoured underwear, but then when science proved that if one keeps one’s boys too warm ( as the contoured underwear does), one might experience infertility —  a condition that the protective cup was trying to avoid in the first place. And now that designers like Calvin Klein have developed their own supporter line, the cup is back and popular again.

Why is the football field called a Gridiron?

This is a simple one : The markings on the field resemble the markings on a grill that is used to cook food over a fire.  Really, how coincidental was it to have a game field that reminds men of barbecues? The gridiron gave way to the idea of cooking over a fire which some say gave way to cookouts which morphed into the sub-sport of football – the tailgate.

Cheerleaders?  Why?

Let’s face it: cheerleaders are just as much a part of the football landscape as beating up fans who wear opposing team jerseys to the home team stadium.  Many of us believe it was the Dallas Cowboys who first gave us the pro-team cheerleading squad, but that is not true. Dallas just gave us the first scantily dressed, look-like strippers squad, and that squad didn’t become famous until 1972.

In fact, it was the Green Bay Packers, who in 1931, hired local girls from area high schools  to come and cheer for them.   But who was the team who first organized their pro-cheerleading squad:  the Baltimore Colts in 1954. Not all NFL teams have cheerleading squads today. The Steelers, Bears, Browns, Giants, Lions and Packers have all opted to not to have bikini-clad women on the sidelines. It could be they don’t think women should be objectified in this fashion; or maybe it’s because these teams play in regions where there is a lot of snow and cold and having  half-naked women dropping dead of hypothermia in front of thousands of fans could prove to be a buzz kill on a game.

I hope you enjoyed this bit of history, and upcoming lessons will teach you about penalties and plays and the correct cheers for all occasions. Until next time, practice cooking on the grills while wearing helmets and protective cups!