Our representatives are heading home for Christmas after another round of Fiscal Cliff negotiations has bit the dust. The best gift they could receive would be a simple way to raise tons of new revenue without raising taxes on any individuals. I have that gift and it’s a goldmine that draws on America’s greatest national asset: Corruption.
Corporate corruption is really a blessing in disguise because it keeps giving, year after year, just like Santa. Mega banks repeatedly settle with the government for things like fraud and manipulating the LIBOR rate (UBS just paid $1.5 billion). Drug behemoths keep getting nabbed for bribing doctors and pushing off-label uses (Amgen, adios to $165 million). Trading firms pay for insider trading, huge egg producers pay to sicken people, hospital chains pay for defrauding Medicare, and so on. American corporate corruption isn’t a curse, it’s a vast, underutilized resource – it’s like an oil field that’s a mile deep but we’ve only extracted ten gallons of oil.
So here’s what our reps do when they get back to D.C. They man up on corruption and drill hard. They hire scores of lawyers and investigators (jobs!!!) and set them loose. Sure, it’ll cost a few million, but the new hires will bring in multi-million and even billion dollar settlements every year.
That $800 billion in new revenue over a decade you keep hearing about? Not a problem, given how widespread the corruption is. Well sure, you say, but what about getting people in the private sector to cooperate? Won’t they resist? Ask yourself this: If you were a 55 year-old employee, which would you rather do — sit through ten more years of layoffs and motivational team-building meetings or take your cut from a big ass whistleblower settlement and retire early?
New revenue. New jobs. No new taxes (lip reading not required). And best of all, the guys in The House won’t need Grover Norquist’s permission to move this thing forward. They could actually do their jobs without worrying about Daddy getting mad.
This gift is no fruitcake. Merry Christmas everyone!
When you run for President in 2016 you can count on my vote, good sir.
I like the cut of your jib Tom!
Wouldn’t we have to eliminate corruption in Washington first?