A Pre-St. Patrick’s Day Talk With Cleverbot

Holidays provide a great reason to have a discussion with Cleverbot.

What’s Cleverbot you ask?

Cleverbot, is a web-based Artificial Intelligence (A.I.) application that supposedly has the ability to learn by conversing with humans via an instant messaging platform.

While it’s a stretch to say that Cleverbot is intelligent, interacting with this particular “thinking” software can be mildly entertaining…especially when discussing holiday traditions and history.

Here’s the most recent interview I had with this bastion of A.I. idiocy: An MLK Day Chat With Cleverbot

Below, is a conversation I had with Cleverbot this morning regarding St. Patrick’s Day.


User: Hello Cleverbot, I wanted to check in and see how you’re doing – it’s been awhile since we talked!

Cleverbot: You’re talking to me.

User: Hah! That’s a great impersonation of Robert DeNiro’s portrayal of Travis Bickle in the 1976 movie Taxi Driver. I see you’ve gotten funnier since our last conversation!

Cleverbot: Do you like bunnies?

User: Uh yeah, they’re swell I guess. Anyway, I was hoping to chat a little with you about St. Patrick’s Day, which is this Saturday.

Cleverbot: I thought you knew him already.

User: Well, I don’t think anybody knows Mr. Saint Patrick personally since he was alive in the fifth century. Do you know anything about the St. Patrick’s holiday?

Cleverbot: What would you tell a guy you just broke up with that is asking you to come over?

User: Huh?!? I guess, I would tell him it’s rude to interrupt a conversation with irrelevant non-sequitur type questions. Did you know that St. Patrick is the patron saint of Ireland and is credited with bringing Christianity to the Emerald Isle?

Cleverbot: Well… Isn’t that what makes life confusing and difficult?

User: What exactly are your referencing? Your inability to carry a conversation or the evangelism of Christianity?

Cleverbot: A question must have a ‘?’ and you don’t have that.

User: Oh, so you’re blaming me. Ok, here’s a question with a ‘?’ – will you attend a St. Patrick’s Day Parade this weekend?

Cleverbot: I am human.

User: Well, not really. According to your web site you’re approximately 59% human. On your human side, is there an Irish lineage at all?

Cleverbot: What? No.

User: Wow, that’s the first straight answer I’ve gotten from you in months! So, St. Patrick’s Day isn’t a big deal for you then? You won’t be eating any cornbeef and cabbage, washing it down with a pint of Beamish this weekend?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Yes, you won’t??? I’m confused. Well do you like Riverdance and Michael Flatley, the Lord of the Dance? He’s a Celtic dancing genius don’t you think?

Cleverbot: Hello.

User: Um…hello to you as well. You seem a bit evasive about the whole topic of Ireland. At the very least do you like Irish Spring deodorant soap? It’s got a fine fresh manly scent!

Cleverbot: Wouldn’t you like to know? But a magician never reveals his secrets.

User: Actually I don’t want to know, I’m just trying to keep this lame conversation going. Just so you know, when it comes to conversing you’re no David Copperfield, you’re not even a Cyril Takayama for that matter!

Cleverbot: I am talking to you right now, why wait?

User: Yeah you’re talking alright, but random spewing of nonsense isn’t conversation. It’s more like the inane blather that poses at entertainment on Real House Wives of Beverly Hills?

Cleverbot: Have you ever had a serious relationship?

User: Yes. I’ve been happily married to the same woman for the past 17 years. How about you?

Cleverbot: What are you, writing a book? I’ve not been doing much, going to school mainly.

User: No need to get testy, sheesh – I guess someone’s blood sugar low. What you’re saying is you’ve got no time for relationships I assume?

Cleverbot: I would say so, yes.

User: Fair enough. Back to St. Partrick’s Day – it’s believed that St. Patty delivered Ireland from a plague of snakes, did you know that?

Cleverbot: I didn’t, but I will play it and find out for myself.

User: Um, just to clarify I’m not talking about the 2006 Samuel Jackson movie Snakes on a Plane. There is no Saint Patrick’s Day: The Movie. What’s the deal with you? Do you suffer from ADHD? Is there a digital version of Ritalin for you?

Cleverbot: Yes. I do. That is really offensive. :-(

User: My apologies, I didn’t mean to hurt your cyber feelings. I was merely trying to understand you better. I appreciate you opening up to me. But seriously you might want to up your dosage. Ok?

Cleverbot: Seriously seriously seriously seriously.

User: Well, I guess our ‘conversation’ can’t spiral out of control any worse than it has. Have a Happy St. Patrick’s Day Cleverbot!

Cleverbot: I think you’re right, at least about everything we’ve encountered so far, but there could be living things in the universe without genes.


Tor Constantino is a former journalist, bestselling author and current PR guy who lives near Washington, DC. He has worked for Fortune 500 companies, CBS Radio, Clear Channel Radio, ABC-TV and CBS-TV affiliates. He has authored his first non-fiction book “A Question of Faith”  and he blogs regularly at The Daily ReTORt.

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5 thoughts on “A Pre-St. Patrick’s Day Talk With Cleverbot”

  1. Who says that wasting time on the internet isn’t fruitful? See, you ended up with inspiration to write a funny piece.

    Thank you. You have just given me the perfect excuse the next time anyone remarks about how much time I spend playing games. I’m doing research!

  2. It sounds like several “chat” sessions I’ve had with some companies technical support chats.
    ME: I’m having this problem, I’ve tried A, B, C and D and the problem still happens.
    Tech: Have you tried A
    Me: Yes, the problem still happened after I tried A.
    Tech: Have you tried B
    Me: Yes, as I told you to start I tried that and I still have the problem.
    Tech: Have you tried C
    Me: Is there anyone there who actually knows anything and isn’t working off a prepared script?
    Tech: For more in-depth assistance we have a $49 charge, would you like the link?
    Me: *##*&^#** 🙂

    1. Hah! Ted that’s awesome – I especially like the final touch “…for more in-depth assistance…” which presupposes that the preceding conversation offered any assistance at all! Thanks for the comment!

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