I woke up at 3 AM for some unknown reason. Well, that is not true. I know why I woke up. My 90-pound dog wanted part of the bed – the part I was on. After a scuffle with the beast, I was wide awake so I turned on the TV.
Airing at that time was an infomercial for a colon cleansing product. I’m all for a body feeling good, but this was disgusting. The guy selling this cleansing miracle looked like a scam artist from an old-time Hollywood movie with his slicked back hair and pencil mustache. He was so excited to present a life size display of all the crap, literally, that lives in one’s colon. I almost threw up. After learning that we carry around an extra ten pounds of poop in our bodies, I made a promise to myself to drink a lot of coffee in the morning and clicked to a new channel that promised to be showing The Nanny.
This channel was in commercial too, and I watched Jamie Lee Curtis explain the importance of eating Activia yogurt three times a day to keep digestion running smoothly. I never realized until last night how many people have irritable bowel syndrome, irregularity, stuffed up colons and painful gas bubbles.
I pressed the button on the remote again, and there before my eyes was an ad for Dulcolax Stool Softener. In this commercial, a frustrated and in-pain woman takes a Dulcolax, and I assume there is a happy ending, because we next see her swinging in a hammock looking as if she doesn’t have a care in the world. The commercial ends with the tag line: Dulcolax: it doesn’t make you go, it makes it easier for you to go. Well, there’s a picture I needed to imagine at 3 AM. But I guess I should be happy for this chick as she did look content in that hammock.
Following that commercial was another for Pepcid AC. By now, the commercials were keeping me awake because I was determined to find an ad that wasn’t about bodily functions, and I got my wish when I heard a voice shout:
“Do you have more than $10,000 in credit card debt? Are you having trouble paying your mortgage? Are you behind on your taxes? Are you thinking of filing bankruptcy?”
It was then I experienced an “A Ha” moment. I understood why those who are normally awake at this time of night need all the digestive system products. Nothing goes together better with a financial crisis than poop problems. I guess the advertisers truly know their audience.