Mike Pereira, who spent eight years as the NFL’s vice president of officiating, and who now appears on network NFL broadcasts defending the really bad calls the NFL officiating crews make, says replacement refs for the striking NFL crews will only damage the game of football.
Pereira and some NFL players have voiced their concerns that the replacement refs might lack the knowledge and physical stamina to deal with the NFL since the replacements are primarily retired officials, Division II or III college officials or active or retired high school officials. So, I have a few suggestions that might help out the replacement refs if they must officiate during the regular season:
1.The NFL should hand out large print rule books so the retired refs don’t have to struggle during the game to read about rule infractions.
2. So the NFL brass can assess how their replacements will perform under hostile conditions, have the replacement refs take their qualifying “rules test” while loud speakers blast boos and hisses because let’s face it, there is a really good chance that NFL fans will hurl a lot of those boos and hisses at them during this season.
3. Do away with the small instant replay booth where the official has to lean in and look at the little screen. Give each replacement ref his own Jumbotron like the Cowboys have this way the older guys can see the replay on a big, big screen thus eliminating eye strain and dubious calls. Plus that little booth resembles a Glaucoma testing apparatus which might freak some of the old guys out.
4. Cut the length of the gridiron to the length of the Arena football League so the older refs don’t have to run so far and risk getting out of breath or worse.
5. Change the ref uniform for the replacements to look like the Michelin Man in stripes. I think this is a no brainer because if one of the older refs getst hit hard, it could mean trouble. So a lot of padding might avoid serious injury.
6. Every quarter, there should be official bathroom breaks for all the replacement refs. This could tie into advertising. During the breaks, they can show Joe Theismann’s prostate medicine commercial which would bring more money into the NFL.
7. 5-hour energy drinks for replacement refs every 20 minutes.
8. Orientation classes for the replacement refs so that they don’t get stage fright when they have to officiate in front of 80,000 people instead of the 500 spectators they usually see at their games.
And finally,
9. A courtesy van that picks up the older refs at their homes and hotels and takes them to the stadium and back so they don’t have to drive on strange streets and risk getting lost thus becoming the subject of a Senior or Silver Alert in whatever state they are scheduled to ref.
I know absolutely nothing about the game but why don’t they have teams of 5-year-olds in he NFL? That way the older refs wouldn’t have to run so fast.
You’re probably going to tell me that they have teams of 5-year-olds?