The Evangelicals are so busy lately. First, they got Lowe’s to drop advertising on the show, All-American Muslim, because let’s face it; every Muslim according to them is a terrorist waiting to happen. Then they got Susan G. Komen to drop their funding of Planned Parenthood because God hates women’s health care (as it turns out money was more important to Komen than God’s right-wing army, so thankfully that was overturned), and now, their latest crusade is against Starbucks for their support of gay marriage – another vehicle of the devil. Well, I think I am going to write the evangelical sector a nice greeting card and this is what it is going to say:
You got rid of the Muslims through a home improvement store
You almost got rid of health screenings for women who are poor
You don’t like love if it’s not between a woman and man
And now you want my caramel macchiato, is this your newest plan?
Well, I have learned much about evangelicals as of late
I learned that you are best when you are spewing out the hate
You say it’s God’s will and your message is filled with love
And you say you hear voices about right and wrong from above
You sing Christians are persecuted for living the right life
Where a man is king and has authority over a timid, proper wife
But I think your profession of righteousness is just one big show
I’m tired of your bible verses, Rick Santorum and Tim Tebow
Go away and let us be; leave my Starbucks alone
I propose we all enforce a “No Evangelical preaching” Zone
Which means we can live our lives without listening to the hate
When the world ends and Rapture comes, we will see who gets to celebrate
Oh no! I guess I’m doomed to an eternity of torment because of all the times I go into Starbucks for a coffee. Sometimes I even buy a scone to go with it!
We could never enforce a “No Evangelical Preaching” zone because of the First Amendment, but if we could I would suggest the following places:
1. Any subway train. People who are stuck in a train, between stations, with locked doors, should not have to listen to someone loudly spouting every Evangelical cliche known to mankind.
2. Busy street corners outside large office buildings, especially during lunchtime and rush hours. Yes, you can get away just by walking past them, but you just KNOW they are looking at you and thinking that you are one of the eternally damned.
I get particularly annoyed at these people because I am a pretty pious Catholic, and they give all Christians, including us, a bad name.
HAHAHA! I agree your “No Evangelical preaching” Zone should be approved, ASAP!