Best Job Ever

I’ve been looking for some side-income to help cover my drug habit (Nicorette). So I was quite excited the other day when I stumbled across a unique job listing: Foot Hygiene Blogger. I’ve got a big toenail that looks like something straight out of Jurassic Park, so I’ve got personal experience with the topic. I’ve got writing experience as well. So things are looking pretty good.

The job listing calls for posts that “have very little in the way of repeating what has been said previously on many other websites.” Bingo! I’ve got those as well. Here are the topics I’m currently working on:

* That clicking noise you hear as you cross the hardwood floor? — Signs that it’s time to cut your toenails.

* Why owning a dog and cutting the lawn barefoot is a bad idea.

* The health implications of making good on the threat “I’m gonna put my foot up your ass.”

* The rope-sandal debate: Jesus loved them, but are they your arch-enemy?

* That is not a sixth toe: The importance of keeping your kitchen floor free of food scraps.

* The dangers of barefoot water skiing on the Hudson River with an open cut on your foot.

* Don’t believe the hype! Toe-jam is not a safe substitute for tofu!

It’s starting to look like I’m a shoe-in for this job.

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