Doctor Visits Rock

Doc Blanchard ushers me into his office. Just before closing the door he leans toward the receptionist’s office and shouts “Nurse, grease up the Koho!” I’m in for the annual checkup required to participate in another year of Little League hockey. Many of us visit Doc Blanchard for this task, in part because he’ll laugh if you ask him if those diplomas on the wall are real. We all love the good doctor dearly.

Doc has me sit on the padded bench covered with crinkly paper, the same stuff he probably saves to use for wrapping Christmas gifts. We chat for a bit before Doc Blanchard drags a small mallet out of a pocket. He leans over and guides the device into position near my right knee, getting ready to tap.

But I’m ready. At the last minute I shift my right leg, ever so slightly. The mallet misses the mark. I whip my other leg up into the air and smile. Score one for the little guy.

####

I arrive at the naturopath fifteen minutes early. The receptionist is busy organizing for her day, so I grab a seat. A few minutes later she looks up and asks me my name.

I smile back, proffer my name, and say “I’ve got a 9:00 appointment with Dr. Jones.”

The receptionist looks down at her calendar. She furrows her brow and then starts rifling through the pages. She taps a page and says, “Your appointment isn’t until next Monday.”

“I know,” I reply, looking back down at my magazine, “I just like to be early.”

I’ve got to learn to start checking my voicemail.

####

My wife and I are chatting with our doctor. She brightens suddenly and says “You really should check out this Chi Gong. It’s a slow-movement technique, just like Tai Chi, but it’s meant for energy healing.”

My wife nods. She’s big into alternative medicine, and I’m getting there too.

“You know,” I say, “there’s just one problem with this.”

The doctor and my wife look over at me.

“When you call up to speak with your practitioner, the receptionist’s gonna say: “I’m sorry sir, chi gong for the day.”