Finding Mr. Neanderthal – Er, Mr. Right?

By: Erich Ferdinand

We all have a friend who says, “The guy I want just doesn’t exist!”  Well, in your friend’s defense, it might not be that she is too picky. It might be instead, that she is speaking the truth.  However, science is looking to change all that. So, before you push her off on eHarmony or Christian Mingle or some other dating site, send her to Harvard — not to take classes but to be part of a new genetic experiment.

Yes, Harvard scientists are hoping to re-create a new and better form of the Neanderthal Man.  Soon, they will be having a casting call for women willing to be impregnated with DNA from the extinct Neanderthal Man in hopes of bringing a new and better man into this world.  I know what you are thinking:  A man who will pick up his underwear, bring home flowers for no apparent reason and make millions of dollars?  Well, no. But he might be more intelligent than the men we have now and come up with ways to ward off epidemics or get us off the planet if we need to evacuate. Is this plausible? Who the hell knows, but it’s Harvard so why not give it a go?

So, if your friend decides that this is something worthwhile to investigate, she should know that she only gets the petri dish version of the “New Man”.  She won’t be cuddling up to a hairy beast in bed anytime soon—unless she starts to date Robin Williams. No, she will be the mother or one of the mothers of the new species of hybrid human.

With her help and uterus, the “new man” will be created by injecting Neanderthal Man DNA from fossils into a human embryo.  So, ladies, the question is out there:  Who is interested in this brave new research to create a new species of men and I am assuming eventually women as the generations unfold?  It could be fun; it could be disastrous, but I think we know one thing for certain.  If this experiment works out, the people who do waxing in salons will always have job security forever.

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8 thoughts on “Finding Mr. Neanderthal – Er, Mr. Right?”

  1. “Harvard scientists are hoping to re-create a new and better form of the Neanderthal Man. “

    I’m missing something here. Didn’t we upgrade already to Cro-magnun man? Why would you want to improve on the Edsel when you could start with the Lexus?

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