Girlfriends | HumorOutcasts


October 21, 2013


I think this guy’s been watching too many Star Trek re-runs and envisioning himself as Captain Kirk:

A Lake Forest Park city council candidate is under investigation by the Washington State Patrol after a female employee said he pursued an inappropriate relationship with her that began with an invitation to take her to an “alternate universe.”

So there’s a universe out there populated by creepy, older dudes?

Yup, it’s another case of a 64 year-old guy hitting on a 25 year-old woman in the office. For women, this crap must get old, real fast. This, incidentally, is the real reason the designers of Social Security set the retirement age at 65 – they needed a tactful way to convince these guys to exit the workforce.

This, from a co-worker:

“Alan would be stopping by her cubicle just about every day. He would start asking her personal questions about where she lives, what’s her living status, does she have a boyfriend?”

Okay ladies, here’s what you need to do. I know, I know, you shouldn’t have to do anything. These guys should pull their heads out of their asses and figure it out. I agree with you, fully. But until that day arrives (which it will) do this:

The boss is gonna walk up to your cubicle in his action-slacks and try to be all conversation-casual. Inevitably, he’ll ask you about the photos on your desk. This is why on Day One you placed upon your desk a snuggly photo of you, arm-in-arm with your best female friend.

And when the boss asks “Who’s that?” you reply “That’s my girlfriend.”

Honest, simple, and most importantly, game-ending. Yes, there’s two meanings to the word “girlfriend.” But which do you think is gonna pop into the brain of a guy determined to put the sex back into the term sexagenarian? And even the most determined guy knows you can’t use a Phillips-head screwdriver to perform a task requiring a flat-headed one.

That photo is your creep-insurance.

Romeo should get it. But if he doesn’t, by all means file a harassment complaint and help him fall into a burning ring of fired.

Thomas Sullivan

Thomas Sullivan is the author of So Much Time, So Little Change (a book of essays published by Wayman Publishing). It is available at Amazon in print and Kindle. Thomas lives in Seattle.

More Posts - Website - Twitter - Facebook

Share this Post:


2 Responses to Girlfriends

  1. Bill Y Ledden
    October 21, 2013 at 5:18 pm

    I’m not one who condones any shape of violence but where I come from, this wouldn’t happen. A few choice words in Alan’s ear and he wouldn’t do that again.

    • Kathy Minicozzi
      October 21, 2013 at 10:26 pm

      Yeah. A few words like, “Keep this up, you dirty lecher. I’m dying to sue someone and it might as well be you.”

User Login

New Release
How to Write and Share Humor
By Donna Cavanagh Published by HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle

New Release
Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute
By Perry Block and HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle

New Release
Running Log
By Roger Hollis. and HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle