The main challenge for voters during a congressional election is determining whether or not a candidate actually cares about his constituents. Some politicians truly embrace public service, but many view Congress primarily as a spring-board to something “better”. You know these (mostly) guys– they get elected and push industry-favorable laws so they can one day go lobby for companies they supposedly oversaw while in office. Or they “consult” for those companies, drawing huge paychecks because they still have contacts in D.C. To these folks, serving in Congress is just like getting a GED – a means to an end, but one with a much bigger payout.
But it’s hard to spot these guys, because they’re often good actors. Their campaigns are basically an After-School-Special that lasts for months. So the question is: how do we spot these selfish creatures, so we can foil their plans ahead of time?
Researchers in the UK and Japan have unearthed a very promising approach. These academics studied a group of capuchin monkeys by placing them in front of human actors. The humans engaged in a series of skits where they asked each other for help. Sometimes they helped each other, sometimes they didn’t. The monkeys observed both the actions and the dispositions of the actors.
Afterwards, the actors offered food to the monkeys. The kicker? The monkeys only accepted the food offered by people who “weren’t selfish in their interactions with others”.
So here’s what we do. We require that every campaign have a few Town Hall meetings where constituents get to ask a candidate what he’ll do to help their community. And we have a couple of capuchin monkeys watching. After answering peoples’ questions, the candidate has to offer food to the monkeys.
Not only would this be effective, it would also make for great TV drama. Just picture a million people watching with baited breath while a monkey decides whether or not to accept a peanut from Sarah Palin.
Does this plan kick butt? You betcha.
I say we elect the monkeys!
Or we let the capuchin monkeys elect the politicians!
I always knew monkeys were smart 🙂
I love this idea!