Ron Mexico Meets Carlos Danger

RON MEXICO MEETS CARLOS DANGER 
 
“Carlos Danger… is no stranger
To crotch shots… on the net
From the ma-yor, you might sta-re  
Until you’re visibly… upset
Carlos Danger!!!”

Okay, now that the theme song is over, we thought we’d put together two guys best known for scandals and flamboyant aliases – Carlos Danger and Ron Mexico aka former congressman Anthony Weiner and current Eagle quarterback Michael Vick. We’re sure the rehabilitated Vick has wise advice to give the NYC mayoral candidate.

“Man, Weiner, I thought I was cool with my Ron Mexico stuff, but it be just for checking in hotels,” says  Vick. “You going full Favre and still trying to run for mayor? You can’t do that.”

“Why not? I’m Carlos Danger.”

“No, you ain’t. You’re a pipsqueak with a funny name, Weiner. You can’t run for mayor with a name like Weiner.”

“I was a good congressman. Weiner is a perfectly respectable name.”

“So was Vick until I got into dogfighting. Now, some people want to grind me up into a vapor rub. The problem with Weiner being a mayor is Mayor Weiner sounds too much like my favorite hot dog and I’m not even permitted to say hot dog,” says Vick. “People gonna rag you for your Farveing and they gonna sing that stupid song.”

“What song?”

“This song: ‘Oh, I wish I were a Tony Weiner weiner… That’s what I’d really like to be… For if I were a Tony Weiner weiner… Every one would have a pic of me.”

“Oscar Meyer and Mayor? That’s a terrible song.”

“Now you know how I feel when I play in Cleveland and they barking at me. Your wife needs to lock up all your cameras and you don’t need be running for mayor.”

“I could say you don’t need to be playing quarterback. But you do because it’s in your blood, you were born to do so. Same with me.”

“C’mon, Carlos Danger, you think a big city wants Brett Favre as their mayor, much less someone who couldn’t complete a 30-yard pass.” Vick continues, “At least when I was Ron Mexico, I never Favred. You wacky with your Farving. When they caught you, you should have fessed. When you finally resigned, you didn’t need to be all hang-dog (scratch that). What I meant was, own it like I did. Admit you’re wrong, but don’t go out with your tail between your legs (scratch that). What I’m saying is you should have rapped your exit speech.”

“Do you mean full Carlos Danger? Something like ‘I sext my junk to Jill… Giving her a thrill… but that didn’t keep me from a passing any bill…’?  You might have something there, Ron, I mean Mike.”