The New Weapons in Flab Fighting


armI just saw a commercial for Amazing Arms (,  magic sleeves that women slip on to hide flab in the upper arm region.  So, now when we wave goodbye or dance in public, our arm fat stays in place.  Amazing Arms joins the array of products that women use to deceive the world that they possess no body fat whatsoever.  Let’s see: We have Spanx to suck in our tummies and if we buy the leg Spanx, our thighs look smooth and firm; we can get the Genie bra to lift our boobs so we always look 20 instead of 45; we have the booty padding underwear which gives our derriere a lift.  Who needs plastic surgery with all these accessories?  If they came up with a face cheek thinner, I would be ultra thin everywhere.

I have to wonder though what happens if a woman wears all this stuff and then has to face the prospect of an intimate moment with someone else.  My mind goes to the movies where sexy jazz music plays as the cameras pan on clothing and lingerie strewn across the floor which alerts the viewer that the “Dance with no Pants” has taken place. I have seen a lot of those tossed clothing scenes, and never in any of them  have I noticed Spanx, tummy flattening underwear, rear-end boosting panties, a genie bra or Amazing Arms upper arm fat slimmers.  I might be wrong here, but I would think by the time a woman peeled off all these body helpers, the guy would have fallen asleep.

My other problem with all these body-toning undergarments is this: when the romantic moment does come and assuming one can get out of all these undergarments, does one’s body just explode out?  I don’t know why but my mind is picturing an inflatable life raft or an airbag on a car.  Sure, it’s nice and neat under wraps, but pull on the wrong tab, and “Whoosh”, a potential romantic partner can be suffocated or at least injured in the undressing.

Last point and most important: where are the men’s fat-stuffing clothes? How come there isn’t an Amazing Arms for men?  Oh, I know there are men tummy trimmers but for the most part, men in the public eye wear those.  How come the everyday guy does not worry about his beer gut hanging out or thigh friction being a problem? I have yet to hear my husband ask if he has underwear line with his jeans.

Am I against these fat-slimming products? No, I probably own all of them with the exception of the Amazing Arms. I refuse to wear fake sleeves so my upper arms don’t shake.  I look at life this way: If there are people who are going to judge me on my upper arm fat and how much it sways in the breeze, I probably don’t want to hang around those people anyway.  In my view, my arm fat is part of who I am. If you don’t like it, don’t stand next to me as I wave goodbye. I would hate to critically injure you with flying flab.


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8 thoughts on “The New Weapons in Flab Fighting”

  1. Sweet post don Don’s. Makes me wonder why men with grey hair are supposed to be distinguished looking and they don’t say the same about women? Am totally with you on the arm fat. If someone finds fault with someone over something like that, it’s time to walk away from them and then come back and strangle them with a fat arm or two!

  2. This is hilarious. I think I now have the image of exploding body fat etched permanently in my brain cells.

      1. Aging gracefully IS a lot more fun than wearing a sleeve to hold in your arm fat.

        Just one disclaimer: the genie bra is fantastic. I gave in and ordered some. They are super comfortable. The only problem is that they don’t have any snaps; they are all in one piece. This makes it difficult to impossible to put one on when you have just showered and your skin is still wet. Other than that, though, they are great.

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