Never trust your kids. They love you, but they’d also sell you out in a heartbeat for an ice cream sandwich.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 28, 2013
Sometimes I think my job is actually a hidden-camera game show where they see how much absurd bullshit I’ll put up with before I catch on.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 28, 2013
Protip: Single, unattached women don’t like being called “freelance pussy.” I should write a dating book.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 28, 2013
I watched this crazy reality series where guys commit murders and try to get away with them. It’s called the NFL.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 28, 2013
I’m too out of touch with pop culture to understand your celebrity jokes. Who is this Obama guy everyone keeps talking about?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 28, 2013
