My wife: “Did you see that cute toddler?”
Me: “Was he the one whose mom had huge boobs?”
Not that it helped me any, but that was the one.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 2, 2013
My 1 y.o. turned in her highchair & stared at a family in the restaurant until they asked to be moved. She gets her people skills from me.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 2, 2013
The carpet guy told me that getting AstroTurf in my living room isn’t even an option, and that’s when I realized women run the world.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 2, 2013
My wife: “The door is still open. You suck at closing things.”
Me: “I got you to close your legs pretty tight.”
Sadly, I won that fight.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 2, 2013
When it’s finally economical to use a 3D printer to make unlimited Legos in my home, I’ll have no further need for human society.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 2, 2013
I would love to take your 1-year-old to a restaurant that is near my house where curmudgeons gather so she can scare them away or maybe even some major church thing where they will see her as the evil one coming back. Now, that’s power!
It’s nice that the reason they switched tables was something other than my body odor. It’s progress.