We Near The End

We’ve all had jobs that aren’t a good fit. We grind it out for a while and then get fired. It’s depressing at first, but later we realize that it’s actually a good thing. It’s how we eventually get to where we’re supposed to be in life.

I thought of this after reading about Anthony Weiner’s latest sexting travails. Politics is clearly the wrong line of work for him, because creating sexy digital communications is obviously his strong suit. If you’ve read any of his texts, you know that that shit is white-hot and dangerous – it’s like a cross between Barry White and Dirty Harry.

What’s the obvious conclusion here? Weiner’s interest in public service could be much better met as one of those law enforcement guys who create digital predator stings.

You’ve seen the stories. Some creepy dude is surfing online and sees the message: “Ooh, I’m a horny fifteen year old looking to meat a big, strong man to fulfill my wildest fantasies!!” So the guy shows up in a Denny’s parking lot with some wine coolers at the appointed time. And the Feds take him away in cuffs.

The people who write the dialogue used in those stings? They are true public servants.

So, picture a sweltering, dingy office in some Federal Building. Agents are trying to get the text just right. Some burnt-out employee, who’s been stuck at the same federal pay grade for years and would rather be elsewhere, sits in front of a monitor. He types “I’m a voluptuous vixen looking to…” And his manager, staring over his shoulder, shouts “Jesus, no! This just isn’t cutting it. We need to bring on the HEAT!! Somebody get me Carlos Danger!!!!!!!!!!”

There’s a reason top-notch hackers shift into corporate-security work after getting busted and don’t become nurses. The same applies to sexters. Yes, there’s a place for all of us, it just takes a while to find it.