What If Kickstarter Was Around When… | HumorOutcasts

What If Kickstarter Was Around When…

August 5, 2013

Kickstarter Logo

Lately we’ve seen a lot of celebrities starting Kickstarter campaigns. Zach Braff, the Veronica Mars movie and even Spike Lee have taken to the site to fund their endeavors. It got me thinking: What if Kickstarter had been around hundreds of years ago and other well known historical figures had used it to fund their projects?

Here are a few examples of what I think would have happened:

Leonardo da Vinci’s The Last Supper Campaign

$20 donation: A tunic with a print of The Last Supper painting on the front. Made of 100% cotton, you will be stylish and comfortable. Only 10 available so it will be a true collector’s item.

$100 donation: I will paint you into The Last Supper as a waiter. If you like, I can paint you pointing at Judas and giving him a dirty look as if you’re saying, “Dude, he is so going to betray you.” (One Available)

Vincent van Gogh’s Starry Night Campaign

$300 Donation: I will cut off one of my ears and give it to you as a souvenir. You can pick whichever ear you’d like (though I’m hoping you’ll pick the left as it is my least favorite ear).

White Star Line’s RMS Titanic Campaign

$500 Donation: Your name will be engraved on a gold plaque and placed on one of the lifeboats. Since the ship doesn’t have an iceberg’s chance in hell of ever sinking, you’ll have your own slice of immortality. (20 available)

L. Ron Hubbard’s Start My Own Religion Campaign

I am thrilled to report my Kickstarter campaign has been fully funded! As promised, I will name the religion I am founding after the person who donated $10,000. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, crazy Hollywood types, I am proud to invite you all to join my new religion: The Church of Glenentology.





Mario Turchiarolo

Mario Turchiarolo is a film/TV/and comic book writer. He’s also a foodie who loves to cook and eat. Check out his food blog The Bite at http://the-biteblog.blogspot.com.

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8 Responses to What If Kickstarter Was Around When…

  1. August 6, 2013 at 8:18 pm

    Ha, don’t give folks ideas with the ear thing.

    • August 9, 2013 at 11:30 pm

      That’s true. Mutilation Kickstarter campaigns won’t be fun.

  2. Bill Y Ledden
    August 6, 2013 at 1:27 pm

    I would have loved to be the third person to donate $300 to van Gogh’s Starry Night Campaign.

    • August 9, 2013 at 11:30 pm

      You snooze you lose, Bill. An ear, that is.

  3. August 5, 2013 at 9:01 pm

    I love these kickstarter projects. Can you come up with one for shark week finale? LOL

    • August 9, 2013 at 11:31 pm

      Thanks, Donna. I’ll think of one for shark week finale. Of course, they would want chum and not cash.

  4. August 5, 2013 at 8:56 pm

    Funny stuff!

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