A New Approach


Earlier this week, the prime architects and promoters of the Iraq War appeared on news shows and in op-ed columns to criticize the President’s handling of the crisis in Iraq. They had invaluable advice to offer. It reminded viewers and readers of the scene in Animal House where Otter tells Flounder “Hey, you fucked up, you trusted us. Make the best of it. Maybe we can help.”

Later in the week the President responded at a White House press conference. Wearing a greasy one-piece work suit with a name tag on his chest, Obama said “Screw y’all, I’m getting tired of cleaning up your mess.”

What dreary business this is. The same thing happens over and over – a Sunni gets in charge, gives his buddies all the jobs and power, and then sidelines the Shiites. Then a Shiite gains power and does the same for his group. The Iraqis desperately need a leader who can compromise with so-called “enemies” and unite the people. And I know just the person(s).

Of all the people in the world, who is far and away the best at compromise and cooperation? Who is the hands-down master of teamwork? Correct, a Siamese twin. You can’t give lip service to someone when their lips are only a foot away. And when they say “I’ve spent my whole life cooperating with others,” you know they mean it.

So, if we can find a twin where one person is Sunni and the other is Shiite, and then put ‘em in charge, Iraq might have a chance.

This isn’t a joke. History tells us that it can work. The most peaceful and prosperous era in Asia occurred in Thailand during the Ying Yang Dynasty, led by these guys:


Their first names were Chang and Eng. And their campaign motto was “The times they are a Chang-Eng.” It worked (so much so that Bob Dylan wrote a song about it) and it can work again.

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