Recently I’ve started considering alternate jobs and careers where I would excel. Do I currently have a job and career? Yes, but there are certainly other things I could do that would bring me joy and happiness (and that wouldn’t require me to wear suits….or depending on the career….bras).
So I’ve decided to make a list of possible career moves and why I would or wouldn’t be a good match for each. Feel free to suggest other options, but just know I refuse to work anywhere that requires me to wear a visor.
This is non-negotiable.
1. Snake charmer
I frequently hear people describe me as charming, which may be a backhanded compliment. I’m not sure, but since I think I’m delightfully charming, I go with it.
Naturally, I thought perhaps a job with the word “charm” in it would be a great option, since I already possess the requisite skill.
However, the only job I could think of with that word is a snake charmer, and since snakes are one of the few things in life that leave me speechless, I don’t think this is a good career move. I suspect my haters would disagree.
2. Professional wake-up-caller
Now here’s a job where I wouldn’t have to wear pants. Score! I could work from the comfort of my home, making calls to people to wake them up. This would be a great job because I love yelling “Wake up, people, the light is green!” or “Wake up people, hipsters really do want to take over the world!” (They really do.)
Wait. I would have to make calls to literally wake people up from sleep? I couldn’t just wake them up from their delusions? Um, this suddenly doesn’t sound so appealing. I’ll hit the snooze button on this one.
Perhaps I could become a mime. I have a pale face and I look awesome in black. This is right up my alley…unless I would have to perform in an alley, which wouldn’t be cool. I would have to be a professional mime for this to work.
You know what? This won’t work for me because it requires me to stay silent, and I have far too many brilliant things to say to do this job. The world needs to benefit from my comments, so I will pass on this one. You’re welcome for that.
I don’t have any desire to do this job, but I do have a desire to say this word repeatedly, so that’s why it’s number four. Haberdasher.
Since people often annoy me, perhaps this would be a great job for me. It’s perfect because it combines my irritation with people and my love of applying makeup. Maybe we have a winner here.
One teeny weeny little problem. (Hee hee. Weeny). I am horrible with makeup. Seriously. I can’t apply eyeliner and I’ve injured myself with an eyelash curler one too many times. Assuming people want to remember their Aunt Sally as she was, this might not be a great career move. But, if people want to remember Aunt Sally as a member of Kiss, then I’ve got them covered. (I will literally cover her in makeup).
I’m sure you’re sick of reading this, and I’m sick of typing, so I will stop for now. I guess I will continue in my current profession; that is, until I come up with something completely brilliant to do.