Hackers Exploited ‘Heartbleed’ to Endorse Random Contacts on LinkedIn

Reports from leading internet experts are indicating that the OpenSSL vulnerability now known as “Heartbleed” was exploited over the last two years by hackers targeting servers at LinkedIn. The alleged violators used the exploit to endorse random contacts for skills they might or might not have had any experience with. Reports from as early as 2012 indicated something astray with the professional networking service.


“Oh yes, we heard multiple reports of that kind of thing. For example, a ton of people called saying they were endorsed by someone they never worked with, for a skill they never possessed. I just blew it off. Who the hell cares, really? I don’t even know what LinkedIn is for, said LinkedIn tech support director Shane Aldridge. “In fact, I rarely even answer the phone unless I’m really bored. This is all free anyway, so…you know… you get what you pay for…Wait, what? Some people actually pay for this shit? Really? Huh…how about that…”

The vulnerability was also exploited to gain access to Pinterest passwords, for some unimaginable reason, which hackers apparently used to bore each other to fucking death. Hackers even gained access to Yahoo Mail passwords with malicious intent, but in the end decided that people stuck using Yahoo Mail had almost certainly already suffered enough.

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