If Thank You Letters Told the Truth …

… they might look something like these:

Dear Aunt Gertie:

Thank you for the lovely gift. We don’t know what it is, but it gave the whole family a much needed laugh, and it continues to brighten the top shelf of the closet.

It was so nice of you to re-gift this whatchamacallit to us! I’m sure it was a relief to you to get it out of your house. I won’t tell Uncle Fritz that you gave it to us, although he probably wouldn’t mind. He got it two birthdays ago from Cousin Hilda.

Warmly,

Annie, George
And the Kids

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Dear Team:

Thanks to all of you for your contributions to the success of the MacGyver project and for my recent promotion.

Because of your combined ineptitude and complete lack of anything resembling enthusiasm, I had to do all the work myself. As a result, it was done correctly and on time, which is a first for this department.

The next time you see me, I will be in the big corner office with the picture window, two floors up. Don’t bother to stop in, because I will be pretending that I don’t know any of you.

Sincerely,

Bob
Soon to be CEO, if this keeps up

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Dear Ernie and Jane:

Thank you for your thoughtful wedding gift. It was especially nice of you not to include a receipt or, indeed, any indication of where you bought it. It is such a nice gift that five other people gave us exactly the same thing, two of whom also had your sensitivity to the vulgarity of giving us that little slip letting us know how much you spent and where, so that we could exchange the thing for something we can actually use.

Most of our guests consulted the bridal registry that was set up to make shopping easy and avoid duplications. Thank you for choosing, instead, to surprise us.

Love,

Marge and Bill