I’ve long suspected that marketing is really a ploy. It creates an imagined future full of happiness, which in turn entices us to buy or do something. I spent last week doing exhaustive research online, and I think I’ve uncovered some solid evidence to back up my theory:
Claim: This woman is working from home and loves it because she gets to spend time with her child. You should come work for our company.
Truth: Her child is teaching her how to get viruses off her computer. She’ll quit soon.
Claim: We sell quality scrap-metal.
Truth: They sell exactly what you thought when you first saw the picture.
Claim: This woman is totally relaxed because she owns a successful company and works at the beach. You should buy into our franchise.
Truth: She’s in her front yard and totally pissed. Her home is flooded and she’s still trying to get the insurance company to pay up. But in their email they’re claiming that she also needed to have had a fire. Hence the term Flood And Fire Insurance.
Claim: This is the ideal man. So if you’re a guy, you need to join our gym:
Truth: Perhaps, if you don’t mind being so inflexible that every time you get up off the toilet you need to back yourself into a cat-scratching post and move up-and-down to get clean.
I might need more evidence before I submit this for peer-review. But I think I’m onto something here.