The National Bureau of Climate Omen Readers has issued a warning that this winter will be the most severe on record.
“The signs are unmistakable,” said Dr. Stan Cumulus, Director of the Bureau. “Temperatures will fall so low that only very short meteorologists will be able to read them.”
Weather watchers at the Bureau note that squirrels are burying canned goods and pop tarts, a sure sign that arctic conditions will descend on the US over the next few months.
A recent incident in New Jersey offers further proof that animals are preparing for a testing winter. Three black bears entered a shopping mall in Hamilton. Terrified shoppers looked on in horror as the bears entered Macy’s department store, grabbed three racks of fur overcoats, and made off with the items.
Other signs include:
- Early arrival of the Snowplow beetle
- Lines of fire ants carrying charcoal
- Birds wearing fuzzy caterpillars
- The moon moving closer to the sun
Photo: Wikimedia
I’m waiting for the evolution of super squirrels. I might even knit some cute little superhero capes for them.
The squirrels are already staring in our deck sliding glass door, to beg for food. We’ll wait until it gets colder because we don’t trust them to remember where they hid it this winter.
Sounds like the sequel to the remake of the The Birds – The Squirrels. I’m already feeling a nightmare coming on
This is a serious issue which is rarely addressed. It’s snow joke.
I thought you were joshing until I saw the thing about birds wearing furry caterpillars. Now I am afraid.
You watched the Hitchcock movie The Birds too. Caterpillar birds will be in the remake
Darn excellent reporting. Is that a Pop Tart the squirrel is lugging back to the nest?
Yes, you got it. They should make acorn-flavored ones for our furry friends.