Has this ever happened to you? You find out that one of your 600 Facebook friends has slipped the surly bonds of earth and social media and gone to the “other side”?
I’ve had it happen a few times already. And they weren’t the people that I kinda-sorta-knew-but-never-really-met. I’m talking about people who were a part of my life. Well, one of them, not so much. But I met him, sat in a room and conversed with him. Then BOOM. Dead.
And I had another friend, who, after his death, had a Memorial Facebook page created for him by some mutual friends. That was a couple of years ago, and I’m not quite sure how long the memorializing period is supposed to be, so I’ll just hang onto that one for now.
Still another passed, and I noticed her family unfriended a bunch of us, retaining a core group. Which begs the question: How do you fail to make the cut of a dead Facebook friend’s Facebook friend purge? Is there a new section of the will dedicated to social media in the new millennia? “The following are friends I choose to keep, in the event of my untimely death…purge the rest!”
Why do those pages even exist at this point? Sure, I get the idea of leaving something there for a while for friends and family to look at as a reminder of the dear departed. Pictures, status updates and the like. It’s comforting.
But sometimes it’s a little disconcerting. I mean in an abnormal, paranormal sort of way.
The other day, one of my dead Facebook friends poked me.
What am I supposed to do, poke back? And then will they poke me again? How many times will we go back and forth poking away? I’ve gotta tell you, I’ve never been poked from the Great Beyond. It’s sorta cool, but mostly strange, and super unnatural. And I suspect it has to do with some unfinished business. I know she’s probably more than a little pissed that I never agreed to play Farmville with her.
I wonder if Steve Jobs has something to do with this. I’ll bet he’s up there conducting seminars on “Dead Booking To Freak Out Your Surviving Cohorts”. If you get any suspicious correspondence typed in elegantly and thoughtfully designed fonts, that’s how you’ll know for sure that Steve had an otherworldly hand in it.
That’s thinking different.
Don’t get me wrong, I think social media is an extraordinary thing. But when this life is over, when I no longer have a status, I’d like to think that I will no longer have a need for status updates, tweets, pins and Google chats. It’s all kind of exhausting, to be honest, and perhaps we were meant to spend eternity engaged in more peaceful pursuits.
I’d hate to think that there is a lot of pinging and binging going on up there…in the cloud.
Still, eternity is a very long time. And if we can’t make it through the supermarket check out line without checking our news feeds at least once, it’s going to be a long afterlife.
Do you suppose they have their own version up there? Version Infinity.0? And since there are no physical bodies, are they all Soulbooking? What are the emoticons like? Personally, I’d like to think that there’s no need for emoticons or excessive exclamation pointing up there. In a perfect afterlife, everyone would know what you meant, and there would be no misunderstanding.
The flaming all goes on in the other place.