1 And lo, on the Monday, Ceo, begat by The Corporation, was hired. 2 He walked among his followers and preached of profit and synergy. 3 And on the 7th day of Ceo’s reign among the kingdom of The Corporation, the followers were required to attend his sermon of buzzwords and trendy business topics on how to keep The Corporation alive, such as, 3 “When thoust not know the answer, ask ‘Why’ five times.” 4 “Opportunities don’t just happen; thou dost create them.” 5 “We must align our goals to driveth performance.” 6 And the congregation of followers smiled and nodded because compliance pleased The Corporation. 7 And during the QA session, His congregation learned that it is blasphemy to address Ceo by any other name than “Sir.”
1 When Ceo had his buttocks amply kissed by the followers, he ascended into the Top Floor where he ruled the kingdom unseen. 2 And though the followers of The Corporation never saw Him, they had faith that one day He would return. 3 Until that time, their purpose was to please The Corporation, and their reward would be to one day pass on to the Top Floor. 4 For surely, if you did not abide by Ceo’s laws or please Him, you were escorted out through the Lower Level where you lived eternity in torment and anxiety, devoured by the gnashing teeth of bill collectors.
5 Jacob, from the land of IT, was a peon that toiled while dreaming of the Top Floor. 6 The result of his work was praised by other lands; however, Jacob knew that it only took one mistake to compromise the high expectations of mighty Ceo. 7 Jacob couldn’t afford angering Ceo, so he devoted his life to The Corporation 8 for Jacob had many cats to feed and care.
9 On Jacob’s 670th day, a messenger by the name of Email ascended from the Top Floor to spread the news of Ceo’s intention to fast track cost savings for The Corporation by means of outsourcing. 10 Brouhaha among The Corporation’s followers quietly spread, many feeling guilt for not doing enough to please Ceo.
11 “You must understand that Ceo is looking out for the best interest of The Corporation,” the ruler of IT, Cio, said to his congregation during the weekly department meeting where Cio lead his congregation in worship to Ceo and The Corporation. “It is nothing personal.” 12 But Jacob’s faith in Ceo faltered. 13 Jacob felt that his unquestioning devotion to The Corporation was not a factor against the bottom line. 14 The omnipotent supreme leader from the Top Floor had forsaken him.
1 Over the soft buzz of the many vending machines in the fellowship hall, Jacob reluctantly shared his feelings with a devoted Ceo follower. “I don’t trust The Corporation anymore,” Jacob said. 2 This statement shocked Mary, Admin of Marketing VP. “Jacob,” she exclaimed, “you shouldn’t say such things about The Corporation.” 3 “Why,” Jacob asked. 4 Mary replied, “Because you could get in trouble.” 5 “Why,” he asked again. 6 “Because certain people don’t like to hear it.” 7 “Why?” 8 “Because it’s sacrilege.” 9 “Why?” 10 “Because it makes Ceo angry.” 11 “Why?” 12 “Because…because he…” 13 But Mary would not admit why Ceo would be angry, for she realized Jacob was justified in his feelings. 14 This was how Mary came to believe her blind devotion to The Corporation was also for nothing. 15 This realization spread from water cooler to microwave, all followers spreading the word of Jacob, sharing and agreeing with his perspective. 16 Soon, the all-knowing Ceo discovered this message and was angry.
1 The land was in turmoil. 2 Its followers nearing revolt. 3 But Ceo responded with one mighty stroke of His pen. By Ceo’s command, H R ascended from the Top Floor. 4 The faithful followers of Ceo and The Corporation watched as the merciless angels of death took them out one by one, escorting each through the Lower Level. 5 There was much crying and sadness; even the innocent weren’t immune. These virtuous followers asked what they did wrong or plead for mercy because they had strong faith in Ceo and The Corporation; however, their pleas were unanswered.
6 At the four o’clock hour, the cold hand of fate touched Jacob’s shoulder, and the voice of his doom asked if they could see him in their office for a minute. 7 It was there that Jacob was informed that he was to be cast out of the kingdom of The Corporation forever. 8 As Jacob was escorted to the gates of the Lower Level, he feared what lied beyond, 9 but as Jacob took a deep breath and crossed the threshold to the other side, he saw something unexpected, a free world that wasn’t governed by the rules of Ceo nor the wrath of a cold-hearted Corporation. 10 As Jacob felt the hot flames of sunshine on his face, he smiled and thought to himself, ‘This is my kingdom and should have been all along.’