I’m watching a Seahawks game with a friend. My buddy is taking the game seriously and gets irked when a penalty is called against the Seahawks. I, on the other hand, am unperturbed because I know that what happens on the field doesn’t matter. The only reason we have the NFL is so that people have a legitimate excuse to drink on a Sunday.
Consider this: In winter Seattle is cold and rainy, but in the summer it’s warm and dry. Yet, the stadium with the retractable roof is used for baseball (in the summer) while the stadium for football (fall and winter) has no roof. That’s the kind of logic that makes it hard for me to take these sports seriously.
We watch as a Seattle player starts shouting and scuffling with one of his coaches. We don’t recognize the guy, who’s no star player. Someone needs to tell him that that’s his coach, not his wife.
My friend glances at me and says “At our company, if you tell someone to f-off or flip ‘em the bird, you’re done. It doesn’t matter how high up you are.”
Speaking of high-up, drones are kind of hot right now. Apparently they’re going to be big sellers this Christmas. So if you work at a company like my friend’s with some mamby-pamby rule that you need to be civil towards other people, ask Santa for a drone this year. And then try this:
Get the drone and attach a banner reading “Bob Smith Totally Sucks.” Then fly it back and forth in front of Bob’s office window all day long. You can do this on your day off so your boss can’t prove you’re behind it. Or better yet, hire someone on Craigslist to do it while you’re there in the office.
But be careful, because drones can be dangerous. I recently read about an incident at a TGI Fridays in New York. The restaurant had a drone hovering over diners with a sprig of mistletoe attached. It was quite romantic. Things were going well for the couple beneath it until the drone dropped a bit. It chopped off a bit of the lady’s nose and cut her neck. Perhaps the drone should be limited to air-dropping Unlimited Breadsticks or something.
I don’t think humans have the restraint or intelligence to deal with personal drones. Which makes them the perfect Christmas gift.
Once the skies become crowded with personal drones, I’m moving under the bed. On a permanent basis. Not just from time to time, the way it is now.
You guys drink on a Sunday over there?
So basically, if you get one of these drones, you can actually deliver all of your drunken thoughts directly to the football field while you down tequilla shots at a bar far, far away…brilliant. I have a shower I don’t want to attend coming up…