Tweets, Twits, Hookups | HumorOutcasts

Tweets, Twits, Hookups

I said what?

I said what?

Twitter. I like it best when done by birds. So many old words mean very new things. Language is ever evolving but at age 60, what I don’t know can be embarrassing. Since when did innocent phrases get hijacked into the sexual realm?

It started a few years back when I was working with a college professor on a writing workshop. In trying to set up a first-time meeting, I asked, “So what time do you want to hook up?”

Long pause.

He replied (very formally I might add), “How about if we meet at two?” The emphasis on meet hinted that I had said something wrong.

Later my daughter clued me in, “Mom, ‘hooking up’ means to have sex.”

The color drained from my face. Mentally I counted the number of times that “invitation” must have fallen casually from my lips. No wonder my minister raised an eyebrow a while back.

“That’s not fair! I’ve said, ‘hook up’ for years! Besides people know better anyway.”

My daughter shrugged. “Not anymore so watch yourself, Missy.”

It keeps happening. Recently, “pole dancing” appeared on the subject line in a spate of emails among senior friends in a civic group. What in the world were my fellow members up to?

It turned out they were circulating a historic photo of The Totem Pole Ballroom in Newton, Mass (1930 to 1963). In its heyday, the site featured big band orchestras and entertainment (Tommy Dorsey, Frank Sinatra, Dinah Shore, even the Von Trapp Family) and ballroom dancing “for couples only.” The place was even featured on major television stations (all three of them!). The top of the vintage photo advertisement read, “Totem Pole for your dancing pleasure.”

Gee, that line sure has a new spin nowadays. Well, of course! Who could resist riffing on that?

Even small children get into the act. I was talking about pirates and treasure to my little granddaughter, and I used the word, “booty,” and little Lulu said, “Ooh, you said a bad word.” I’d say I was getting a “bum” rap, but again she would correct my inappropriate language.

I am a Lingo-saurus lumbering about on the brink of the La Brea Tar Pits. Watch it, Missy, or you, too, will fall in.

Email Suzette Martinez Standring: She is the author of the Amazon bestseller, “The Art of Opinion Writing”, and the award winning, “The Art of Column Writing.” Visit

Suzette Martinez Standring

Greetings from Suzette Martinez Standring! I write humor and lifestyle columns, and since 2007 I've been nationally syndicated for my spirituality columns with GateHouse Media, proving that God indeed has a sense of humor. I wrote The Art of Opinion Writing: Insider Secrets from Top Op-Ed Columnists (2014), which is used in university journalism courses, such as Johns Hopkins University. I also wrote The Art of Column Writing: Insider Secrets from Art Buchwald, Dave Barry, Arianna Huffington, Pete Hamill and Other Great Columnists (2008). I host a Milton (MA) cable, It's All Write With Suzette, that features guest authors and columnists. Watch episodes on youtube and My big love is teaching writing workshops nationally, and someday making money from all of this will approach my level of enthusiasm. It's very high so that's quite a goal. Nice to meet you! Email Suzette Standring: or visit

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13 Responses to Tweets, Twits, Hookups

  1. August 5, 2014 at 6:54 am

    Time to confess: When I was young, I used to wear thongs.

    On my feet.

    • August 5, 2014 at 6:49 pm

      Mark! YES! YES! Remember when thongs meant flip flops? Now you’re taking me way back, buddy.

  2. August 1, 2014 at 10:59 pm

    I had a situation that was related but with another angle. This spring when I reported to work there was a large display unit where people could choose dog tag type necklaces with their names on them. Also on the tag is a snarling wolf and the words “bite me.” Startled, I asked my supervisor if those words mean the same thing they did when I was in high school. She said yes. We sell several of these necklaces every day, even parents and grandparents buying them for their off-spring.

    • August 5, 2014 at 6:52 pm

      “Bite me” necklaces for grandkids? Maybe the grandparent wants the kid to wear something that matches the “bite me” on his sleeve of tattoos, either that or someone is really hard up for a gift idea…

  3. Candy Brown
    July 30, 2014 at 11:08 pm

    Well, hopefully, the people I’ve said I would “hook up” with are as behind the times as I am! Likewise, for those who’ve wanted to “hook up.” The nerve! I now know to “meet” instead. 🙂 Thank you for this valuable insight. Does make you think!

    • August 1, 2014 at 6:41 pm

      Candy, these thoughts really rent space in my head! What ELSE am I saying???

  4. July 30, 2014 at 9:26 pm

    My kids are probably right. I should just be quiet…but no smiling. That’s why they call me a creeper or a stalker…

  5. July 30, 2014 at 7:14 pm

    It is a tricky world Suzette. Add to it auto correct on phone and we don’t stand a chance. Loved this post–and I swear that doesn’t mean anything sexual!

    • July 30, 2014 at 8:18 pm

      Tricky is right, Donna! Speaking of auto correct, I read a post somewhere that read, “Auto Correct is my worst enema”

  6. July 30, 2014 at 6:06 pm

    Eventually, every word or phrase will have a sexual connotation. We need all the words we can get to talk about what’s always on our minds (speaking as a male)! Maybe you can start “reserving” words that can never be used in this way, but I don’t know who would enforce it. In the meantime, double entendres get easier every day!

    • July 30, 2014 at 8:21 pm

      Mike I did a little research into new slang, and jeepers! What I didn’t know…and wish I didn’t. LOL!

  7. July 30, 2014 at 6:05 pm

    That’s right, Kathy. Now take that walk of shame and try to figure out how many people you said THAT to.

  8. Kathy Minicozzi
    July 30, 2014 at 5:32 pm

    I didn’t know “hook up” now had an erotic meaning?

    Thanks for the heads-up! 😉

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