The Things I Miss…

I MISS… Middle Age:  It used to be that when asked my age on a survey, the options were something like this:















Somehow, someone thought middle age should be eliminated and now the surveys read:




By: Andrew Hazlett

There are no fun-filled mature adult years.   There are no transition years. We go from young to senior in one leap. I blame the AARP who is trying to snag members as soon as they complete potty training.  Also on my blame list are the “senior” dating sites who know that automatic membership renewal for only the 75+ over crowd might not result in long commitments so they need the younger folk. Plus younger blood makes for a more exciting dating pool. Let’s face facts: an 80-year-old guy is going to love that a 50-year-old is on his potential match page. Another villain: the 55+ communities.  They don’t want their residents to know they are the waiting room to heaven so they open their doors to the middle-aged crowd who give the illusion of a vibrant population who use the community bike racks for bikes and not a place to lock up their Hoverounds and walkers.




I MISS THE SAYING…I have to drop a few pounds:   There is no more “Drop five pounds and you will be fine.”  Now, even an ounce of extra body fat wins the title “Pre-diabetic”.  And you can argue that you are only three pounds overweight but according to new insurance tables, you are morbidly obese.  Yep, MORBIDLY OBESE. You can wear a size four, but you are still morbidly obese and headed for disaster.   Who do I blame for this change in attitude?  First off, I blame Hollywood who for some reason has been allowed to set the healthy weight standard even though most of those setting the standards are in rehab for bulimia, anorexia or taking way too many diet pills.  Second, the insurance companies who will find any excuse to charge exorbitant rates so an abundance of weight is an easy way to justify their prices,  and third, doctors who have to say the words MORBIDLY OBESE so they don’t get their asses sued off—so I guess we can blame lawyers too.  Yep, lawyers…they are always at the crux of this stuff anyway.


By: Magnus D

I MISS…the Summer:    Traditionally Memorial Day announces the arrival of summer.  It’s not quite here yet because schools don’t get out until June. So, we always looked for the 4th of July to really ring in the season of fun in the sun, but today, the boom of the last firecracker no longer ushers in the lazy days of summer. Now, it ushers in “END OF SUMMER SALES” or “BACK TO SCHOOL SALES”.   I am not sure what happened to the carefree summer days, but they no longer exist. God forbid you need to buy a swimsuit in July. If stores still have any in stock, they are crammed in between the new winter coat line and the heavy sweaters. And the swimsuits that are left on the racks are either itsy bitsy bikinis that porn stars would be embarrassed to wear or some leftover garment from the 1920s that resembles more a suit of armor with its iron-formed bust and knee-length skirt.  For all the fall preparation that stores do, I rarely see anyone shopping for the warm apparel in the summer months, so why doesn’t the retail industry take a chill pill and allow us to enjoy the carefree season of summer just a little bit longer.



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25 thoughts on “The Things I Miss…”

  1. I can only thank the National Enquirer which has centerfold exposes of celebrity beach bodies – the fat, the undernourished, the jiggly and cellulite-ridden. Not to mention the cosmetic surgery errors. That’s when I feel better about myself.

    1. I think that is what exactly happened! I miss when we could celebrate these times without retail hoopla! Thanks for stopping by and reading! Much appreciated!

  2. You mean to tell me that people my age are being lumped together with whippersnappers of 40! What a revoltin’ development that is!

  3. Now I’m no speller of words but if you add a T to AARP and spell it backwards, you get PRAAT, just spelling…

  4. I miss liking myself no matter what because there was no reality shows or social media to broadcast celebrity’s flaws and make the rest of us paranoid.

  5. Right on the head, you NAILED it! And on the subject of age, how about those on-line forms that you have to scroll down for your birth year, and I’m scrolling and scrolling AND scrolling…is 1954 really SO last century?

  6. Since my AARP card is beginning to fade and crack I find myself longing for those 50+ days when I could lie about my age, instead of people telling me, “Yep, you could pass for 65 eeeeeasy!”

  7. Big Pharma want us to all be on pills for weight loss, or high blood pressure, or high cholesterol, or depression (mainly caused by listening to their recommendations), or … They keep changing the targets so more people are included in the group of “abnormal” people that need these meds. Now, we are all becoming morbidly old (by Hollywood standards)! But they don’t have a pill for that yet.

  8. I blame computers. They were supposed to give us time to relax. Instead we realized we could get a lot more work done in less time, so we rushed to fit more into our days. And then we wondered how many hours worth of work we could squeeze into 24 hours and discovered that if we bought faster computers we could get more work done more quickly. As a result, we can reach the age of 90 in about 40 years now, so why go above 40? (That’s my theory anyway).

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