2 inches of snow forced kids in Atlanta to spend the night at school. Canadians have a word for that much snow. It’s “summer.”
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 30, 2014
Boss: Stop swearing at work.
Me: Fuck, I didn’t even notice.
Boss: You did it again.
Me: It won’t happen again. That’s a fucking promise.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 30, 2014
I once missed a high-five so badly I accidentally slapped the guy’s glasses off. So, yes, I’d say I’ve won a fist fight.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 30, 2014
Me: Why do you take so long to get ready?
Wife: Who do you think dresses the kids
I'm not sure what answer she wanted, but it wasn’t elves
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 30, 2014
The University of NC is in trouble for offering easier courses to athletes. Said one affected football player: “Wait, college has classes?”
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 30, 2014
Georgia will probably now start a war with Canada thanks to you! 🙂