My 4-year-old threw a temper tantrum because her next birthday isn’t until next year. Her life is pretty hard sometimes.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 18, 2014
My 4-year-old said “Wow Daddy you’re Awesome!” So either she’s really impressed by how I pour Fruit Loops or she’s finally mastered sarcasm.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 18, 2014
4-year-old daughter: I hate rainbows. Me: Why? 4: They don’t have any pink. The estrogen in my house just reached lethal levels.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 18, 2014
The five best ways to cope with a heavily pregnant woman: 1) 2) 3) 4) 5) Hide.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 18, 2014
Me: Don’t point out every time I screw up. Just comment when I do something right. Wife: OK. *never speaks again*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 18, 2014