Me: Why are you sitting funny? 4-year-old: I have pinecones in my pants. Me: The key to parenting is not asking follow-up questions.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 27, 2014
Me: Watch out for cars. 4: Car! Me: Don’t worry. It’s parked. 4: Car! Me: It’s parked, too. It was a long walk across the parking lot.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 27, 2014
“My underwear are stuck in my butt!”–how my 4-year-old daughter introduced herself to the people sitting behind us in church
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 27, 2014
Sorry I screamed in terror when you showed me that pic of your offspring. She’s a very lovely whatever the hell she is.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 27, 2014
Tech support: Did you restart? Me: No b/c clearly I’m from a lost jungle tribe that didn’t have computers T: M: T: OK go ahead & restart
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 27, 2014