Me: When the cocoon hatches, the caterpillar turns into a butterfly. 4-year-old: That’s it? Me: What did you want it to be? 4: A dragon.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 18, 2014
*doesn’t let daughters watch horror movies* *reads them a fairy tale about a wolf who eats a grandmother and cross dresses*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 17, 2014
Me: I color outside the lines, if you know what I mean. Job interviewer: You’re independent and creative? Me: No, I’m shitty at coloring.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 17, 2014
My 2-year-old got super excited when she discovered her pants have pockets. I think we can skip Disneyland this year.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 17, 2014
4-year-old: How come you never mow the carpet? Me: It doesn’t grow. 4: Did you kill it like the lawn?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 18, 2014
From http://t.co/HTDVyr8D7T 3/24/14: pic.twitter.com/abYBw0qlZu
— James Breakwell (@James_Breakwell) September 9, 2014