4-year-old: I want to wear a skort! Me: A what? 4: It’s a skirt with shorts! Me: LEAVE. NOW. I don’t allow mad science in my house.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 12, 2014
Me: What’s the opposite of tall? 4-year-old: Short. Me: What’s the opposite of fast? 4: Slow. Me: What’s the opposite of fun? 4: You.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 13, 2014
Me: What have you done so far today? 4-year-old daughter: I pooped. A lot. Me: *gives her a high-five*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 12, 2014
4-year-old: How much Pepsi should I drink to get big and strong? Me: None. Drink milk. 4: Me: 4: Me: 4: I think you’re confused.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 12, 2014
“It’s OK. I forgive you.”–a woman who will hold a grudge forever and probably murder you in your sleep
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 12, 2014