Professor: Blackbeard was the greatest pirate.
Me: How much music did he download?
Professor:
Me:
Professor:
Me:
Professor: All of it.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 24, 2014
4-year-old: Can I have candy?
Me: No
4: But I’m really good at eating M&Ms
I guess it would be a shame to let natural talent go to waste.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 23, 2014
4-year-old: Can I have some floss?
Me: You’re too little
4: But I really, really need it
Me: Fine. *gives her floss*
4:*ties up Barbies*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 23, 2014
Whatever, friend who posted 100 pics of his trip across Europe. I have adventures, too.
*watches 9 hours of “Cops”*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 23, 2014
4-year-old: I BIT MY TONGUE!
Me: You’ll be fine.
4: YOU’RE NOT A DOCTOR!
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 23, 2014